To Bite the Apple
by Ellaurora
Summary: Severus has committed a lot of sins in life, however, he never thought he would commit one that defines the lowest of man kind. Lily is happily married, or so everyone beleives, but the two cannot help but rekindle the long lost flame...contnd inside!
1. Preface

Title: To Bite The Apple

Rating: T (May be changed to M later. We'll see :])

Characters: Severus & Lily

Summary: Basically the gist is, Severus has committed a lot of sins in life that come from being a death eater. However, he never thought he would commit one that defines the lowest of man kind. He assists the woman he loves commit adultury. Lily is happily married, or so everyone else beleives, but cannot resist the temptation to rekindle the flame of love with a long lost friend. They struggle to keep the secret of their affair, while the dark lord coming to power threatens their lives and puts a strain on their relationship.

A/N: Basically going to be canon. It will follow everything that we know about before James and Lily's death, however, there will be a twist that Jk never showed us because it was a secret that Snape could never tell anyone, out of shame and the memory of Lily. Also note, James will most likely be out of character but I'm not going to stretch so far as to make him an alchoholic who physically abuses Lily. I'm gonna try to stick with the canon and not alter characters too much!

A/N: This is just the preface, which is quite short, but I wanted to seperate it from the rest of the story. I also have some quotes listed below that have to do with the overrall theme of the story. The title, _To Bite the Apple_, is derived from the story of Adam and Eve and the forbidden fruit. In many cultures, the apple is said to represent temptation and sin.

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"When the woman [Eve] saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it." ~Genesis (Bible) (Stories of Adam and Eve)

"Sin is not harmful because it is forbidden, but is forbidden because it is harmful." ~Benjamin Franklin

"But this had been a sin of passion, not of principle, or even purpose." ~_Scarlet Letter_

"Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Thus from my lips by thine, my sin is purged." ~Romeo from _Romeo and Juliet_

~Preface~

To commit a sin. The apple's temptation no longer could be bore. A simple bite out of the forbidden fruit had me coming back for more. My new identity became more defined with every clandestine taste. Sinner, liar, accomplice to adultery. An honest man breaking the morals of mankind each and every day, just for one taste of that apple…

Reflecting back on these desires and temptations, I wondered if it would have been easier if I didn't give in. If I listened with my mind instead of my heart, maybe it would have been easier to let her go, in peace. Since the glorious sin we committed together, I had grown to love her more, and because of this love, I am doomed to hurt more than I ever have before, more than when I thought I had lost her to James Potter for good. The secret bond we shared died with her soul and it will forever stay hidden inside me. I am more aware than anyone of all the sins and wrongdoings I have committed over my years in life, but although I have come to regret all of them, I will never be sorry for the divine sin that I shared with Lily. She was my forbidden fruit that wasn't mine to steal, but I plucked her anyways, and now I am paying desperately with every breath I take…

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Let me know what you think! I just kinda thought this would be an interesting idea to do, so review please! Thanks! :)


	2. Broken Vows

A/N: This chapter is kind of short. It was originally the preface, but didn't really work. The rest of the chapters will be much longer, but I will only post this for now to give you a taste. The next chapter will pick up a couple months later, so that's why it doesn't fit with anything else. Anyways, hope you enjoy! All of this is most likely going to be in Severus's POV!

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_~Ch. 1~_

_Broken Vows_

June 1979

My eyes were transfixed on the wall in front of me. They were stuck in the illusion of staring at the object before me whilst seeing hazes of other images. I simply stared through the wall, as if it was invisible, looking at the pictures of my memory. It was as if it was the wall that was separating me from these distant pasts.

The stone wall of my sitting room which I continued to stare through, became a mural of my thoughts before my eyes. I saw the heavenly red haired angel being painted across the wall, along with a demon tall, dark haired man with rounded glasses. My mind flipped through all these memories subconsciously, allowing me only to witness them, for the thousandth time.

The soft ticking of the clock on the mantel brought me back out of my trance of memories. I shifted my weight, my statue of a body coming back to life. I stifled a groan as I felt the stiffness creep through me. I had been standing too long.

My eyes shifted around the room, blinking back the water that threatened to poor out from the dryness caused by my constant stares. I glanced down around me, to the piece of parchment sitting on the antique wooden coffee table. I continued to study the piece of parchment, a newspaper article, my eyes locked on the picture it held—a man standing with his arms around a beautiful red-haired woman. They smiled and laughed as the photographer took the picture. The woman's bright green eyes pierced through mine. They were full of happiness, joy, and warmth, however, those eyes hadn't brought me any of those feelings of comfort for a very long while. Instead, they haunted me. They brought back all the truths of my regrets and the mistakes I had made.

I picked up the article from a Daily Prophet dating about three weeks ago. Since then, there was never a time when it wasn't buried in the back of my mind, threatening to come out with the waves of pain, crashing through me as I drowned. This time, I only got as far as reading the title, "Mr. James Potter Weds Miss Lily Evans," before the hurt soared through me, unleashing the monster.

I collapsed into the old chair behind me, throwing my face into my hands, succumbing to the monster that roared inside me, letting go of all control and letting the sorrow and loss pulse through my veins. It was today. She would be Mrs. Lily Potter today. There was nothing left to do. Nothing I could do to stop her, or change her mind. Nothing I could do to make her turn around and leave James Potter at the altar. Nothing I could do to make her love me as she did him, as I did her.

I sat there for what felt like hours. At last, I heard the clock chime. The pattern of rings let me know that it was 10 am. The wedding had been at nine. She would have already said her "I do's", breaking the vows of our childhood relations once and for all and making new ones with the man she loved.

I tried to imagine myself being the one up at the altar, watching as she made her way down, clad in a white gown and a bouquet of lilies. I willed myself to believe these fantasies, to get so lost in them that I would lose all trace of reality, at least for a little while.

The scorching on my left forearm woke me out of my desires. It burned through my body like a flaming fire. I clutched the recently engraved tattoo on my arm, biting my teeth together to try and rid of the physical pain. After a few seconds it subsided, but still remained to remind me of what had to be done. Although I detested the sharp shooting pains the mark brought, I would take all the physical pain in the world over the pain I still felt from the day she was gone from me forever.

I had procrastinated too long now. I had duties to be done to serve my lord, the only reason I still lived on. I had no family, no loved ones, no one to love me. There was no purpose in my life. The only brightness that had ever shone was that of her, and starting today, she was gone. The eternal candle she left burning in my memories, full of hope and promise, was finally diminished. I would never win back her heart.

I fetched my cloak, my wand, and the mask that kept my identity hidden from my enemies. I swept one last glance through the room, before turning on my heel. All my thoughts of pain and love were pushed aside, although they would continue to linger. I masked myself in the cruelty and malice I had to project onto others, using my hurt to churn anger. I shut the door to my chamber behind me, with one last long look at the wall that still held my mural of memories.

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Review please and tell me what you think! I know what I have is not much to go off of, but I will try and post the next chapter soon which I guarantee will be a hell of a lot more interesting! :)


	3. The Order

A/N: Hopefully you'll find this chapter a little bit more exciting than the last ones. It was originally going to be a big giant chapter with the next one, but I thought it better to seperate. The next one will be better! I promise! Next chapter, the _real_ story will begin :) I hope to have it up by tommorow night, or if not, Monday night. No promises though.

Special thanks to my first, anonymous reviewer, "Harley", and xSilverDoe who always has the kindest words that truly make my day. I hope you both continue to read and enjoy! :)

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~2~

_The Order_

August 5, 1979

I stood behind the ancient wrought iron gates in the pitch black darkness. A warm breeze floated through the air on a hot summer's night. All was dark except for the stars twinkling above and the lights from the giant stone mansion. They both illuminated the silent world around me.

I opened the gate cautiously with my right arm, my left dangling at my side in pain in excruciating pain. I had only had the mark plastered there for a few months now, and the pain was still as unbearable as it was the first night the burn seared through my body. All that was different was that I came to expect it.

I trudged up the rocky path in the dark, my heart pounding from the anticipation of this meeting. They were always a surprise. You never knew what to expect. The Dark Lord was one who would be rather proud of his followers one day, and the next, want to kill them all with his bare hands, not even having time to pick up a wand. If he was a muggle, I would say they would have had to diagnosis him as bipolar. But as he is not, we all must yield to his every command and put up with his mood swings.

The world was quiet as I made my way up to the mansion. All I could make out were the sounds of my feet as they dragged along the dirt path, the breeze ruffling the trees, and the strained huffs of my breath.

As I made it to the door, I looked up at the palace towering over me. It resembled the work of architects from 18th century England. It was humongous and casted an air of gloom and fear to passer-bys. It was no wonder since the family of this house casted these same feelings on those they encountered. They were the Dark Lord's most loyal supporters, thus making him decide to have his meetings in their mansion, known as Malfoy Manor.

The anxiety was building up inside me and I knew I could not prolong the wait any longer. He would be upset. I muttered the secret spell that would only open the door to Malfoy Manor and crept inside. I wound my way through the long dark halls to find where the meeting was surely taking place. I heard the soft chatter and mumblings coming from the large dining hall and saw everyone seated at the large wooden table that ran the length of the room as I came in.

"You're late Severus. I do not tolerate tardiness," said the cruel, leering voice from the end of the table. I looked up to see the piercing dark eyes of my master glaring through me.

"Forgive me, my lord," I stuttered, "I must have lost track of the time."

"Did the burning on your arm not serve as a reminder to you? Perhaps, we shall have to experiment with other ways to make you remember what is most important," the cold, voice jeered, his lips turning up in a malicious smile on his last words. I heard the laughs come out of the mouths of my fellow death eaters. I knew that this "experiment" would be nothing but cruel, inhumane torture.

"That won't be necessary my lord," I stammered, desperately trying to put myself back in is good books. "I merely didn't want to return to you without the news you had asked me to bring."

"Very well," he muttered sharply, his face sinking in disappointment at not being able to try out his "experiment". "What so called news have you brought me that was worth being late to this meeting?"

I gulped down my fear before starting, glancing at the anxious eyes of my fellow death eaters. My friends, Mulciber and Avery seemed to hold their breath at whether my information would be valuable enough to please our master. "Your suspicions were correct, my lord," I started, "The Longbottoms are in league with Dumbledore."

"Another pureblood family at a loss," he murmured as an aside, "Tell me, how did you come to find this out?"

"I followed the auror, Curtis Zepheroy, as you had asked. I followed him until he stopped to talk to a fellow auror, whose name I do not know. They seemed to be alliances. Zepheroy mentioned the Longbottoms as new faces in their alliance. He said Dumbledore had asked them to join himself."

"Peculiar," muttered the Dark Lord to himself again, "I wonder what lured Dumbledore to chase after the Longbottoms to join his alliance. Everyday there seems to be more who join it. What does he intend to do with this group?"

I hesitated before replying. I wasn't sure if my master was ready for the truths of the matter. I didn't want to be the one getting punished because of it. I didn't desire the "don't shoot the messenger" phrase to hold true. With a shaky sigh, I murmured hardly audible, "To take down you, my lord."

His reaction was just what I had expected. Fury crossed his face in an instant, his temple began to throb, his fists clenched, and his whole body shook. "What?" he replied sharply, his loud voice echoing in the quiet room, shaking the walls.

Everyone seemed taken aback and Bellatrix Lestrange and Lucius Malfoy, both seated directly next to him, reached out as if to comfort their master. In a room that was full of suspense and on edge, I seemed to keep myself confident. "Zepheroy mentioned Dumbledore's plan was to stop you, the greatest dark wizard. He said Dumbledore anticipated a day when you would destroy almost everything. It is because of this principle that he has formed a group himself in order to defeat you. He calls it, the Order of the Phoenix."

All was silent. I looked around the room at everyone's faces, all etched in anger and fear. Shock seemed to glaze their faces. The Dark Lord himself, surprisingly, was rather composed. He said quietly, looking at each and every one of us. "I should have known. Dumbledore is merely afraid of me and the power I have that he had to make a whole group to try and defeat me for him; a coward, none the less. Thank you, Severus. You have brought me much useful information."

"I only wish to serve you, my lord," I murmered graciously, glad my head wouldn't be served on a silver platter tonight. I felt my stomach unclench and relief wash through my bloodstream.

"Yes," he answered, "And now I will give you a special assignment as a reward. There has been a great deal of suspicious acts that are connected with Dumbledore in Godric's Hollow. It is safe to say that someone else living in the village is connected to Dumbledore and his alliance. You will venture there and find whoever else is in league with the old man, in this so called Order of the Phoenix. We need to know exactly who we are up against."

"It would be my honor, my lord," I said confidently. My voice no longer shook after the praise I received from my master.

"Good. Do not disappoint me," he said clearly before pausing. "Dumbledore is a threat to us and we need to diminish him, by first taking down his precious order. He is too cowardly to stand up for himself, he fears me. We will break the Order down one by one until Dumbledore no longer has anyone to hide behind. Then, he will be mine and we can complete my plans, just as I intended to. Do not let him fool you, my faithful followers. Dumbledore is scared of us, but we are not scared of him."

The rest of the table cheered at the Dark Lord's words, all sending vile remarks of Dumbledore shooting across the table. Our master claimed Dumbledore was scared of us, but a slight flicker of fear that I saw leap through my master's eyes had me believe otherwise. What if we were the ones our master was hiding behind? In that case, it wasn't Dumbledore that was the coward. It was the Dark Lord.

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Reviews are what give me motivation to continue my stories. If you wanna know what happens when Lily and Sev reunite, review please and tell me your thoughts! Thanks a bunch! :)


	4. Godric's Hollow

A/N: So I just started this chapter at like 8 o'clock and I just finished it at 10:15. Not too bad for quite a lengthy chapter. Yeah, it's a little longer than I expected, but I hope you'l find it very interesting all the same. Pardon my editing too. I tried to edit it as best I could, but my brain is a little tired now. I should get a beta. Anyone interested? LOL, well I hope you like this chapter! I'm rather proud of it, and I hope you like it, ecspecially the end :) Will try and post more either tommorow night or the night after! We'll see!

Special thanks to all my reviewers on the last chapter! Thanks so much and I hope you all continue to read!

P.S. The good stuff happens at the end so make sure you read all the way through! :D

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~3~

_Godric's Hollow_

August 7, 1979

In the western country of England, sat a small village by the name of Godric's Hollow. It was one of the few in the world that was home to as many muggles as wizards. The village was one that was rather small. The small houses and cottages all centered around the village square, made up of a church and adjoining graveyard, a pub, post office, and a few retail shops. All in all, Godric's Hollow proved to be a rather quiet and quaint community.

I continued strolling down the lane of shops in the square of the village, trying to look inconspicuous. It was a warm and sunny summer day, and as such, many of the community's residents were out and about in the shops.

I tried to scrutinize each one as they passed, trying to decipher a wand tucked into their pockets. They were all dressed in muggle clothes, making it near impossible for me to discover whether they were in fact wizards. The best hope I had was using legilimancy, but even that proved too difficult since none would look me in the eyes for more than a second. Whether it was from intimidation or fear I did not know.

After the meeting with the Dark Lord the other day, I was given the assignment of spying on the tiny village of Godric's Hollow in order to discover which wizard or wizards were now in league with Dumbledore, who used to live in the village himself before becoming headmaster at Hogwarts. I was aware that it would be a very difficult task. The only clues and information we had to go on was that this person would often apparate and disapparate into the square of the village and meet Dumbledore somewhere near the pub. However, the figure would no sooner disappear, as if it was throwing an invisibility cloak over them.

I decided to venture back into the pub on the corner, hoping to overhear a conversation about Dumbledore and his order. It did me no good before when it was practically empty, but now that it was mid afternoon, I figured I might have better luck.

As I opened the door to walk into the pub, a tiny old man coming out of the building looked me over suspiciously. I could tell right away he was a muggle with the puzzling look he had on his face. It wasn't too often you saw a man out in public dressed in wizarding robes. I refused to where anything of muggle resemblance, just as my fellow Death Eaters did. I was completely prejudiced against them and would never want to suffer the punishment of having to look like them. I was a wizard, therefore, I dressed like a wizard.

I bared my teeth at the man in a snarl as he passed me with a quiet, "they get loonier and loonier every day," and had to hold my hand back from whipping out my wand to throw a jinx at him.

After I composed myself from my impending outburst, I straightened myself up and marched into the pub. It was fuller than before, with a select number of people sitting at both the counter and the tables spread about the room.

I scanned the room first before moving, trying to scout where the biggest possibilities laid. My eyes stopped on a table of two men sitting in the corner, each with a beer in hand. I saw the shadow of what looked like a wand sticking out of the man's pocket. I felt assured they were both wizards when the one facing me looked up at me with a sense of knowledge.

I strode over to the back of the bar, keeping my eyes on the two wizards seated at the table in the back. I wondered whether or not they knew who I was, or if my black robes gave away that I was a death eater. I didn't see fear in their eyes anywhere, so I assumed they were completely ignorant. I felt this would only work to my benefit.

"Have a seat with us, sir," said the one facing me, as the other across turned around to give me a smile.

I pulled up a seat from the next table over to the end of theirs, muttering a quick, "thank you."

"No problem at all, lad," said the one that was originally facing me. He had a thick accent, with short light brown hair, and twinkling blue eyes. He seemed to be in his late thirties. "It isn't every day we see more of our own kind in here. These days, this place seems to be more appealing to the muggles."

"What a shame," I muttered, my tone not expressing a hint of boredom and not nearly as much enthusiasm as his.

"I knew right away you was a wizard," he said, chuckling to himself, "I says to me pal here, you would never see a muggle out in those types of robes."

"Indeed not," I answered in a drawl.

"Nope," he said in another short and throaty laugh, "Say, what's your name?"

I hesitated for a minute, not sure whether my real name would give away my true identity, though they obviously didn't know me from my appearance. I decided to be safe anyways and make one up. "Stephen Prince," I answered, using a variation of my first name and my mother's maiden name.

"Nice to meet you Mr. Prince," the man answered. "I'm Arnold Daphney and this is Logan O'Reilly," he continued, gesturing to the man across the table who gave me a big cheeky grin, "He's a wizard too. Just moved here from a small town in Ireland."

"How nice," I replied, my voice still expressing the same boredom. I wanted information out of these fools, not a social talk.

"Ain't it?" Arnold said, "I was just telling him about some suspicious things I been seeing every time I come here lately."

"Oh really?" I asked in feign curiosity, "Such as what?"

"Well," he began, "I'se been seein' the 'eadmaster in here lately. I come here at night 'very once in a while, to escape my wife and kids. I love him, but they sure can be a pain sometimes!" He started to laugh again at his own humor, but I couldn't stop myself from throwing him a nasty look in anticipation to see what the headmaster, Dumbledore, had been up to. His laugh faded when he caught my eyes and he cleared his throat before continuing. "Well, I always sit at this table right here, and the headmaster, well he sits over there." He motioned to the table in the other corner, across from ours. "Well, it's mighty quiet at this late at night, and the headmaster seems to be by himself. Oh, I've asked him to join me a few times, but he's politely declined. Always a gentleman the headmaster. Instead, he just sits there and waits, staring out the window. And then, what do ya know, he starts whispering to something across from him, but there's no one there. Oh, it's a faint whisper so no one can hear it, but there's someone there, along with another butterbeer. Some of the other wizards I talk to here in this pub like ol' Marti Shuper say it's some sort of man he's doin' business with."

"What kind of business?" I asked hastily when he paused.

"No one knows for sure, but a lot of us figure that it's some wizard that'll join his league. He's supposedly starting a whole alliance to take down He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. We all think it's some great powerful wizard he don't want anyone to know about; like some sort of secret weapon."

I just nodded my head at the man's words, anxiously prepared to deliver the news to my master and perform my next task. I would have to come to the pub every night and wait for Dumbledore to spy on the old man himself. I quickly got up, giving the men a quick "good day" and thanking them for their company.

I swept from the bar quickly, my cloak billowing behind me as I strode down the street. My wand was practically in hand as I prepared to disapparate even though I was consciously aware of the muggles all around me.

I was so distracted by my recent conversation in the pub, that I didn't notice the small figure I practically ran over in my fast pace until I felt my weight push them down onto the ground. I stopped abruptly to look at the small woman on the ground, and bent down to help her pick up the packages and books I had spilled out of her arms' clutches.

"My apologies miss," I muttered quickly in a shallow voice. My thoughts were still straying toward Dumbledore and his mysterious friend.

"You should learn to keep both eyes ahead of you so you don't knock people over," the woman complained in an irritated voice.

My hands froze on the books of hers I was holding as I heard the words uttered out of her mouth. The voice. It was _her_ voice. The same irritated, stubborn voice that was still pure and sweet. The voice that she used to use with me whenever I did something to tick her off. The voice that I hadn't heard spoken directly to me in nearly three years. The voice I loved more than life itself. It was…it was...

I brought my eyes up from the cobblestone sidewalk they were glued to in order to confirm my realizations and hope. In a second, they were confirmed. The pale skin, the bright red hair, the slim fingers that reached to grab her packages. It was Lily.

"Lily," I whispered. My voice was breathless and choked. I felt sure my heart had stopped beating and I was about to keel over in shock.

She brought her head up quickly from the ground to look at me, the source from where the quiet voice had come from. As soon as the bright, warm green eyes met mine, I felt sure that I was about to die from no oxygen or a heart attack.

I saw the realization cross the startled face. She knew who I was. It had been over a year since we saw one another, but she recognized me. I hadn't changed much, but she had. She was all the more breathtakingly beautiful, or maybe it was because I had only seen her in my imagination and memories for so long. They didn't do her justice. She was so much more angelic in her person.

"Severus," she whispered back, in shock. She did not smile at me, as I had hoped she would. Lily's smiles were what brightened up my day. But then again, I hadn't expected her too. She hadn't smiled at me since our falling out at the end of fifth year. Instead, she looked at me with a straight face, unable to fully take in the situation.

I couldn't say anything to her, I didn't know what to say. I just kept looking at her, willing those eyes to see all the pain and regret I felt each and every day about losing her.

After a few seconds of silence, I saw her face take shape again as she sucked in one long breath and said, "What are you doing here?"

I was a little bit taken aback by her unfriendly tone. I had wanted her to be welcoming with me, but I figured she was still angry with me over our incident in fifth year. "I just came to meet a friend of mine here at the pub," I lied, not sure of what else to say.

She just nodded her head in return. "So I guess you're not following me," she said, as if in relief, her tone full of the same impassiveness that was etched in her face.

I looked puzzling at her. Did she really think me some kind of a psycho who would stalk her? "Lily, I had no idea you were here," I whispered back, "I'm just as surprised as you are to see you here."

"Surprise is a bit of an understatement," she sighed, her voice starting to break its' shell and sound a little frustrated. "Try in completely utter disbelief!"

"I'm sorry," I muttered, feeling my heart sink and disappointment soar through me at the fact that she did not think as highly of our reunion as I did.

"It's fine," she said hastily, shaking her head. "It's what to be expected of course." She paused as she began scooping the rest of her things on the ground into her hand. "I'm sorry, I have to go. I was supposed to be somewhere before you inconsiderately strode into me."

"I'm sorry," I apologized again, "I wasn't paying attention. I hope I didn't hurt you."

"No, it's fine, I'm fine." She stood up from the ground, brushing her skirt as she did so. I handed her the rest of things I held and stood up with her. Once she adjusted the cream colored blouse she wore, she turned to look me in the eyes, her expression only showing politeness and not the friendliness it used to house towards me. "It was nice to see you again, Severus. Take care."

She brushed past me, up the street toward a lane of houses towards the church, hurriedly. "Good bye," I whispered, a little too late.

I watched as she went, studying her until she was nothing but a tiny speck in the distance. She didn't look back at my longing expression once. I felt all the fantasies and dreams I had once had of Lily coming back to me, collapse around me and I felt my heart being pierced. She didn't want anything more to do with me. I was just a tiny black dot in her memories, hardly even noticeable or worth remembering.

I tore my eyes away from the heart breaking scene. A sob began to crawl its way up my throat and I had to get away from her. I turned on my heel to disapparate quickly, feeling my body being pulled away, but not enough to pull the love I still felt for her, out from my body forever.

_Lily's POV_

_I had to get away from him quickly. I didn't trust myself in his presence. He was already getting my thoughts all jumbled up, distracting me from everything else. I willed myself to keep looking straight ahead, not wanting to turn back. I knew I wouldn't be able to stop myself from running into his arms. It had already taken so much control to walk away so painfully. To leave him standing there so sad and empty. How many times I had thought about him since that dreadful day. How much I regretted what I did to him. I always told myself that if I saw him again, I would forgive him for a young, foolish mistake. Yet, all I did was turn him away in disgust. _

_I finally stopped in my tracks and allowed myself one glance back, telling myself that if he was still there, staring after me, I would run back to him with open arms, ready to welcome him back into my life. As it was, I was too late. He was already turning on his heel to disapparate, disappearing into thin air, leaving all our empty hopes and promises just floating there…_

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So what did you think? Did you like Lily & Sev's reunion? No worries, it will get heated up soon! Review please! They are what give me more motivation to write even when I'm absolutely exhausted from work or school, like tonight! Thanks for reading, and review, review, REVIEW!


	5. As Disturbed As Him

A/N: First off, sorry I haven't posted in nearly two weeks! It's been kind of busy and hectic!

Okay, so this chapter is a little lengthy and full of a few things going on. This is mainly just a filler. I am a little cncerned I strayed a tad too far from the canon with the introduction of a character (at end), but I figured, Snape must have gotten some kind of action while he was a Death Eater! Haha! Anwyas, I needed her for later down the line. I think? LOL! But yeah, I had fun with Mulciber and Avery in this chapter, so hope you enjoy!

P.S.: Thank you to all those who reviewed and to the anonymous reviewer Harley who had a very kind review. I hope to still keep you interested and I thank you ever so much!

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~4~

_As Disturbed As Him_

"Excellent Severus," the menacing voice hissed through the silence of the room, the dark eyes piercing through the dim light, "This is better than I could have hoped for. I never thought you would be capable of bringing information back so soon."

"I only wish to please you, my lord," I answered, my voice sharp and clear with gracious thanks. I had just arrived back from Godric's Hollow to Malfoy Manor, anxious to deliver the news of Dumbledore to my master.

"You have proven me wrong Severus," he continued, his voice softening from the hiss of before, but not remotely close to gentleness, "I do confess to have doubted your capabilities, but now, I believe you are well on your way to becoming one of my loyalist followers. Maybe even more so than Lucius there." His eyes wandered over to the corner of the room where Lucius Malfoy stood, anger and jealously crossing his hardened face.

"But master," he stuttered, "We give you our home as headquarters."

"Yes and I am very appreciative of that Lucius," he drawled in a bored manner, "But you seem to have forgotten how to the dirty work like Severus here and our other young spies."

The Dark Lord's eyes glinted in the darkness, shooting daring messages at Lucius, as if daring him to challenge every word he spoke. He was in a mood for games with his followers. Games intended to make them respect him all the more while cruelly tearing them down.

"My Lord knows that if he only asked—"

"Silence, Lucius," the Dark Lord interrupted sharply. His loud voice vibrated the walls of the ancient mansion while anger flashed to the surface of his eyes and face, his teeth barring in a snarl. "I do not wish to hear your excuses!"

Lucius jumped back startled in reaction to our master's demands, cowering against the wall and closing off the words of protests that wanted to spring from his mouth.

"Now," the Dark Lord said in a quieter, but still dominating voice and turning back to face me, "What is your plan Severus in order to discover who this mysterious man Dumbledore is meeting with is? How do you plan on discovering his so-called 'secret weapon'?"

I took a steady deep breath in order to calm my nerves before beginning. "My Lord, the man I spoke to in the pub said Dumbledore often traveled there at night to meet with the man. I plan on doing the same. I will go to the pub every night until I witness Dumbledore there, sitting across from someone, appearing to be invisible. I will start brewing as much polyjuice potion as I can in order to disguise myself, in the mean time, I will venture there as myself."

The room was silent as the Dark Lord nodded his head in concentration, contemplating my every word. I felt my hands and joints tremble in anticipation of my master's reaction. "Very well," he approved, "I will allow your plan to take place, as long as you are extremely cautious. It would do no good for one of my followers to be caught by the Ministry. I have very little doubts of you now, you have proven me wrong. I am confident you will be able to keep yourself well concealed. When you finally find Dumbledore there, watch and listen to him closely. Then, follow the invisible follower as far as you can until you find where he resides. I'll decide on our next action once you have given me that."

"Yes, my Lord," I said with confidence, understanding my task perfectly.

He nodded his pale head sharply with a mutter of, "you are dismissed."

I bowed my head and body to him in an act of submission before retreating. I caught the eyes of fury from Lucius Malfoy as I took my leave. I simply gave him a smug look back, my black eyes taunting him as if to say, _who's the Dark Lord's favorite now_?

I walked out to the foyer, where my old friends Avery and Mulciber stood talking quietly, along with a few of my other fellow Death Eaters. When they saw me enter the room, Avery and Mulciber both gave me a smug, teasing grin.

"Look who it is," Mulciber called out to me in a jeer, "The Dark Lord's new favorite!"

"Just come from back kissing his arse, Sevvie!" cackled Avery.

I had known both Avery and Mulciber since I had first come to Hogwarts, and it was with them and at the mercy of them that I had become a servant to the Dark Lord. Though they have proven to be good allies for me over the years, I quite detested them in the sense of their cruel, malicious humor and games. I took on the role of a more serious servant to our master, while they found the whole idea of killing and cruelty just a way to entertain them humorously.

"Actually I thought I'd rather save that more grotesque task for you Avery. I've already put him in a gracious mood with my news of Dumbledore. He should find it all the more pleasurable with your offerings," I replied back sarcastically, a sneer growing on my face as I watched Avery's fall in frustration of his fail to crack an adequate joke at me.

I watched as both of them growled in defeat, heading for the door. I followed their lead, nodding my farewells to the other Death Eaters still gathered in the foyer.

I met the jealous faces of Mulciber and Avery waiting outside the house for me on the stone path as I came out the door.

"Enjoy being his favorite now, do you?" Avery scowled, "Think you're all high and mighty now because you've written yourself in his good books?"

"Soon he'll be treating us as his goons. Wanting us to carry him around on his throne," said Mulciber angrily.

I kept on walking down the stone path, not feeling the inkling to defend myself at all as they followed. I had had much experience with Mulciber and Avery's bitter jealousy and bickers. I didn't have the energy in me to fight them.

"Think that stick is jammed all the way up his arse hole yet?" growled Avery.

"He'll be begging us all to call him 'master', just like the Dark Lord. Can you imagine? Master Snape!" Mulciber's laughter began to reach higher in pitch, bordering on becoming menancingly cruel.

"Master Snape," Avery leered in a cackle. "Sevvierus, like the Dark Lord? What was is that ol' Black and Potter used to call him? Snivellus? Sounds like a sneeze. He'll be known as the Dark Sneeze!"

"The Dark Sneeze!" Mulciber laughed, holding his stomach in hilarity. "Watch out for him. He'll spread his evil colds and flues wherever he goes!"

They both were keeling over in fits of laughter and I had no choice but to interject and defend myself. "Enough!" I snarled, barring my teeth at them.

My voice cut through the silence with a crack, only the ringing of their hyena laughs were left hanging in the air. They both just stared at me in shock and bewilderment, their mouths hanging open in disbelief. They couldn't fathom that I had just had the indecency to defend myself. I had kept my silence while they broke me down for too many years now and my wall of self control had completely crumbled.

After a few seconds of glaring back and forth, my dark eyes focusing harshly on theirs, never blinking once, Mulciber straightened up and cleared his throat. I prepared myself for him to whip a hex or jinx on me and I instinctively tightened my grip on my wand inside my robes.

But instead of throwing the vilest curse he could find on me, he simply mumbled, "Right. Well, we'll just be going then."

"Yeah," muttered Avery next to him. He had difficult focusing his eyes on mine. He kept glancing down to the ground in intimidation as soon as they met mine. "See ya later Severus."

I nodded my head to them as they hurried past, not even bothering to mumble a goodbye. I still kept my eyes focused on them, prepared for the worst. I watched as they went down the path in silence until Avery turned and called to me, "Just a fair warning. Someone's waiting for you back in Spinner's End. I saw her on my way here. She was looking for you. She seemed quite anxious."

On the last words, I could make his mouth turn up slightly in a crooked smile. Once he turned back, I heard Mulciber mumble to him, "Someone hasn't been getting any."

"Maybe that will be changing tonight," Avery muttered back smugly and they both erupted into fits of malicious cackles and laughter again.

As soon as they were no longer in sight, I let my baring eyes and hardened stature relax. Releif washed through me. I started to ponder over Avery's last words. Someone was waiting for me. Not just anyone, a she. He said she had been looking for me. She was quite anxious to find me. What if it's Lily, I thought to myself. Had she come to find me after our meeting in Godric's Hollow today?

No, I told myself. I couldn't get my hopes up for them to crash down again. She had no reason to come back looking for me and how on earth would she know to go to Spinner's End? How would she know I still lived in that wretched dwelling?

No. She wanted nothing to do with me. She made that quite clear from our encounter earlier. I wouldn't let myself think there was a chance she came back. But as much as I tried to will those thoughts away from my mind, they kept drifting back into focus, bringing my memories of her smiling face back to surface.

With a sigh, I turned on my heel and apparated out of sight, ready to meet my anxious visitor.

I landed on the cobblestone road that lay in front of the small, gloomy house that was mine on Spinner's End. It was dark out and all of the Muggles were safely tucked into their houses. As far as they knew, no wizards had ever stepped foot in the place they claimed to be their home, let alone some of the darkest ever who would stop at nothing to expel them from their quaint lives.

I walked up the stoop to my dreary house, looking into the dark windows to see a sign of my visitor. The shades were drawn back just as I had left it, not a single lamp burning.

I muttered a quick _Alohamora_ to unlock the door. I was about to step through the threshold when I heard a crunching noise coming from the bushes that surrounded the sides of my small house. I dived my hand into the front of my black robes, plunging to find my wand. I spun around in haste, pointing my wand at the intruder hiding in the bushes, prepared to throw a _Sectumsempra_ at them.

"Merlin, Sev'rus, put that down before you blast my eye out!" muttered a soft, whispy voice coming from the bushes. I watched as the small, petite girl emerged from the brush, wiping the leaves off her brown dress and out of her long wavy dark locks.

I lowered my wand at the sight of the familiar face and voice. It was only this stranger who would leave out a syllable in my name, annoying me to all depths. "Vanessa," I whispered into the darkness, startled to see her, "What are you doing here?"

I watched as she made her way out of the bushes to stand below me on the sidewalk. I offered her no helping hand as she struggled out. I only stood stiff as a statue, my wand still gripped tightly in my hand.

"I came to see you, of course," she whispered. I stared into her hopeful, shining blue eyes.

I had known Vanessa Selwyn since I was at Hogwarts. She was a year younger than me. In my fifth year, I had asked her to a sort of party at Hogwarts, hopeful to make Lily jealous. Unfortunately, all it did was give Vanessa an unhealthy attachment to me. Mulciber and Avery had tried to convince me to give her the time of day in our seventh year, but I was so distraught over Lily, I did nothing of the sort. It was only recently did I happen across her after her graduation from Hogwarts that we struck up a sort of camaraderie. I knew fairly well she wanted more of a relationship with me, but it wasn't one I was about to offer. Instead, I used her selfishly whenever I felt lonely. We met every few weeks, going out to dinner, or snogging at one house or another. She was simply someone I used to ease my boredom, even though I was fully aware of how wrong that was. I didn't pride myself on it and besides, I never thought of myself as a good man anyways.

"I've been waiting here for a few hours," she said again when I gave no reply. Her mouth twitched into a small smile to try and soften my stiff face, but it did no such thing. Her smiles were nowhere near as contagious as Lily's and I simply was in no mood for her antics.

"And you enjoy lounging in the bushes then?" I asked mockingly, my brow raising.

"Of course not," she said with a slight chuckle, "I just didn't fancy getting caught by a bunch of Muggles."

"Ah," I replied softly in a tone of boredom. I had no desire to continue this conversation. I wanted to leave the girl standing outside my home while I ran inside to find the one waiting for me. To rush to Lily.

"I met up with Mulciber and Avery over in Knockturn Alley. They told me to wait for you here, that you would be home soon," she continued, studying my every emotion and movement carefully, "They said you were doing some important business for the Dark Lord?"

I felt confusion wash through me at the same time as my mural of hope began to crumble down. "Mulciber and Avery? It was you that they meant who was awaiting my arrival?"

She looked at me skeptically for a moment before answering, "Yes, silly. Who else did you think?"

I took her question as rhetorical and did not answer. Instead, I stood in silence, looking down to the ground in disbelief at my own ignorance. Of course Lily wouldn't come after me. I was fool. I let myself get my hopes up and now I was feeling like a lead brick was crashing down on my lungs, trying to suffocate me and make it hard to breathe.

I wanted to run away, but I couldn't find the endurance to move my feet. I was oblivious to what was around me. My only conscious thoughts were those of the red haired, green-eyed girl.

"I wanted to talk with you," I heard the soft voice of Vanessa say, dragging me out of my dazed state, "I haven't seen you in weeks. You never showed up for our plans last week."

The huge waves of sorrow that had just crushed me started to wade out, breaking back to low tide so I was able to think clearly. "I had a meeting with the Dark Lord. You know fully well there is nothing I can do about that."

"I know, I know," she exasperated on the verge of frustration, "My brother is one you damn Death Eaters and I know fully well what's going with all of you and him. I just wish he had a little advanced warning."

"We must honor and respect the Dark Lord and his wishes," I growled, becoming impatient with her, "You will be sorry if the Dark Lord ever finds out about your disgracing of him."

"Was that a threat Sev'rus?" she growled back in return and I saw the familiar angry pout come to her face. One of the reasons I was ever slightly attracted to her in the first place was her slight resemblance to Lily in their façade of stubbornness and spunk. However, this reminder did nothing but haunt me.

"You should know better than to raise your temper with a servant of the Dark Lord!" I snarled, my teeth barring out at her. I watched as intimidation seemed to cross her face for a second at my fury. She just looked at me in bewilderment for a few seconds, her brow furrowing as she shook her head.

"What's gotten into you Sev'rus?" she asked, quietly her frustration now vanished. Only sorrow and loss seemed to be etched in. "You've been different lately. You used to seem happier with me, with everything. I mean you were never happy, but I figured that was just your persona. You just seemed to be so accepting of your life the way it was though. Now, you're so angry and bitter and everyone. What happened?"

"Nothing has changed," I muttered, "I am still the same man I was when we were back in school."

"Now you're not," she mumbled, "You won't even look at me. What's the matter? Are you no longer interested in me?"

"Interest has nothing to do with anything."

She looked at me questioningly. My words must have been too much of a stretch for her puny little brain to handle.

"Is it someone else? Have you found someone better than me?" she asked, "If you have I beg you to reconsider. I am the best for you. No one will understand your ways as I do."

I paused to consider my answer for a moment, and then replied sharply, "I have my reasons for wanting this affair to end, none of which are your concern. I owe you no explanation."

A look of pain seemed to wash over her face and she walked forward to where I was standing on the stoop, stopping right when her slight body was lightly pressed to mine. She brought a hand up to place gently on my cheek, and I tried not to cringe away at her touch. Her confused gaze searched my dark, hidden eyes, dying to know the truths in them, but all they did was harden even more. "Remember when we were young still? The connection we shared with one another. What happened to that? I miss that Sev'rus." She pressed her lips slightly to mine and I couldn't help but recoil back. It wasn't her lips or her touch I wanted near me.

"We never shared any connection and you are a fool to think otherwise," I growled, pushing her away from my body roughly.

"Then call me a fool Sev'rus for not denying all that we shared! But you will be the fool in the end. You will die a lonely old bastard, unable to love anyone or be loved."

"Are you done insulting my intelligence now that you are capable of leaving? Or do you find yourself incompetent of doing such?" I sneered.

She just stared glaring at me for a few minutes, before shaking her head in defeat and turning to slump off my property. Before she was gone, she turned and said furiously, "I hope your master is happy. He has had so much control over you that you are becoming just like him. But just you wait and see. One day, your master won't be the saint of a man you all make him out to be. One day, he'll turn around and bite you all in the arse and you won't find me crying over it."

Her words of anger were left hanging in there as she apparated away from Spinner's End quickly, leaving me the only wizard left in the neighborhood.

As soon as she was gone, I pushed all my thoughts of her out of my head. I never cared for the girl and I felt no guilt for the way I had just treated her. I usually had tolerance for the poor girl, but that patience was gone when my hopes had died.

I ran into my house, slamming the black door shut behind me. I felt my breaths coming heavier again, my throat and chest constricting. A desperate moan tried to escape my throat and my trembling knees eventually gave way as I sank to the floor. I could no longer control it. I let my dreams and hopes of Lily was out with all the tears I shed, sobbing for the girl I had not cried over in so long, whom now, was lost forever...

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I promise Lily will be in the next one if this one served as any disapointment to you! I promise it will be extra good too! I'm excited myself for it! I'm also sorry if my editing skills were rather lacking in this chapter. I will go back and edit it more thoroughly later. I just was really concerned wih finally posting something since I don't know when else I would get around to it.

Please review and tell me what you think! They encourage me to keep writing!

I will try to post sometime in the next week, and in the meantime, check out either my twitter: www . twitter . com / ellaurora (take out spaces) or my livejournal: ellaurora . livejournal . com. That's where I am most likely to post what I'm up too! Thanks a bunch for reading!


	6. A Curse of Maybe

A/N: So, firstly, my upmost and sincerest apologies for posting this nearly 3? 4? weeks later! I am very sorry! Though it is probably not an excuse, I've been busy! I've been consumed in a bunch of college applications so that's where I've been putting most of my time an energry into as of late. Not to mention, a lot of personal stuff that might actually influence my writing in later chapters. We'll see. But, I will try and be better now about updating!

A/N: Now about the chapter. I think I'm rather proud of myself on this one. I think it's my favorite so far and I worked really hard on it and I'm very happy with the product. It's one of the only times where something I've written comes close to what I originally envisioned. With that said, I'm also super excited about the next one. For what I have planned, it will be good. I hope.

A/N: Special thanks to the anonymous reviewer 'Harley' for her extremely wonderful review. Catching the 'true' Severus, so to speak, and getting his true character down in these chapters is one that I struggle with most and work very hard on. He is the one character that I want to portray correctly and I'm glad I have successfully and hoepfully continue to. Bring on the pressure! I hope you, and every other reader, will not be turned away from this story because of my long absence! I will try harder :)

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~5~

A Curse of Maybe

~August 14, 1979~

The pub was practically empty as the hour of 9 rolled around. Many villagers of Godric's Hollow were home, tucked in on the warm summer's night. Only soft chatter and the constant sloshing of drinks around the room erupted in the air.

I sat at the corner table, across from the one Dumbledore and his mysterious guest supposedly sat at. I held my beer in one hand, hardly taking any sips from it. My eyes would survey the room around me and its' crocked inhabitants before glancing back down to my table.

Another hour and I would retreat back to Spinner's End. I had been coming to this bloody pub every night, hoping for a sight of Dumbledore, but of course, one was never granted. He had not shown up once.

Usually I took a polyjuice potion, transforming myself into some bloke, but as I had run out of it the previous night and was still waiting on a new batch, I was stuck with my own true identity. My only hope was that if Dumbledore did show up, he wouldn't recognize me for the Hogwarts student I used to be.

I breathed a sigh as another minute came and went, still only that much farther from 10 o'clock. I took a sip of my beer, simply to pass the time, gagging at its' awful taste. A week previous, I felt satisfied with my work as a Death Eater. Now, I felt a trace of discouragement. I sat at the pub for 5 hours every night with no sign of Dumbledore anywhere. It was getting to be rather tiresome. I only had my thoughts to pass the time. My thoughts of my task at hand, contemplating Dumbledore's motives in addition to the Dark Lord's, but most often than not, my thoughts unconsciously drifted to Lily.

I was very aware of how close she was. She lived somewhere in this village. I dreamed one night of walking all over the town, looking into every window, just to catch a glimpse of her. Just to know that she was still living and breathing. I still loved her, and though she wanted nothing to do with me, I still felt like my life would be worthless if she were gone from it; from all my fantasies, hopes, and memories.

As if on cue or by irony, the door to the pub opened, jingling the bells atop it, bringing in a rush of warm air with a tall beauty in its' wake. At first, I was staring at the table, but the fiery red caught the corner of my eyes and I jerked my head up instantly.

There she was. Lily. I watched as her eyes immediately drifted over to the table across from mine, the one where Dumbledore supposedly sat, before stopping on mine. Her whole body froze, along with the worried expression on her face. A slight pink blush rose to her pale skin, her green eyes glinting from the soft lamp light.

I suspected that my expression mirrored hers. My heart skipped a beat and my breath caught as my whole body went rigid. I wasn't sure how long we were caught like that, just staring back at one another across the room, neither looking to move or speak. I only became aware when I heard the soft footsteps of her sandals as she made her way over to me.

As she finally came to stop in front of my table, I simply just stared up at her in amazement. It was like my brain had turned off. I was so much caught off guard that I couldn't find the words to speak or the right muscles to move.

"Well, you're quite the gentleman," she muttered staring down at me, her lips turning up in the makings of a slight smile.

"What?" I whispered softly, my expression perplexed.

"I said you're being quite the gentleman," she corrected, her voice so pure and sweet, "Usually they tend to stand up or at least mutter a 'hello' when a familiar lady comes into the room."

"I'm sorry," I apologized, scrambling to get up, but my feet got caught on the leg of the table, "I—"

"It's too late now," she interjected, as I sunk back into my chair a little embarrassed and disappointed in myself. I felt just like the intimidated child form of myself again. It was a reaction that Lily, and only Lily, could bring about in me.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, willing her to believe it.

"It's fine," she conceded, "I was never one for old fashioned manners anyway. However, you did just fail on another point."

"What?" I couldn't help but mutter again. I was absolutely flabbergasted at her presence that I lost all coherent thoughts and words.

"You failed to ask me if I would like to join you," she amended, on the verge of amusement, "So, as you did not, may I sit down and join you?"

"Yes, of course," I stuttered jubilantly, straightening myself up in my chair as she sat down across from me.

"Thank you," she replied, a small smile and a blush tickling her face.

Only silence erupted between us for a few moments. During that time, we simply passed gazes to each other. I, studying her bright green eyes which seemed happier than the last time I saw her and that pretty little smile bringing a touch of rose to her cheeks, while she just simply stared into my dark eyes, daring me to allow her entry as only she could when we were younger.

Finally, I decided to break the silence, although I could as well just stare at her flawless face all night. "What are you doing here?" I asked softly, cutting to the chase.

"Well, I live in Godric's Hollow if you didn't catch that bit on our last meeting," she answered with a soft giggle.

I felt my lips turn up into the faint shadow of a smile at the chime of her giggle, something I hadn't done nor heard in a quite a long time. "No, I meant, what are you doing in this pub so late at night?"

"It's not that late," she corrected, a little of the familiar stubbornness etched in, "And just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I can't walk into a pub all by myself. I can do whatever pleases me."

I raised my brow at her excuse. The Lily I knew was never one to spend her nights drinking away or to be associated with a lot of them. Even when we journeyed to Hogsmeade while still at school, she was never one to want to stay all day in the Hogs Head drinking butter beers. It was a habit she looked upon in disgust as she so often used to tell me.

"Ugh," she exclaimed in a grumble at the sight of my raised eyebrow, "You know me too well to know that I am not the type of person who would be here all by myself by choice."

"Indeed," I muttered, "So, what is the real reason that you are here?"

With a sigh she began, "If you must know, I came here looking for someone. He usually comes here this time of night for personal business. I haven't seen him since this morning and I don't have an inkling of where else he could be." With her last words, the smile disappeared from her face and the light diminished from her eyes as she tore her them away from mine to glance around the pub anxiously.

I knew it was too bold of me to say, it wasn't my business after all, but I couldn't help asking. "Are you talking about Potter by any chance?" My smile deteriorated with hers and my voice verged on bitter, especially on the syllables when I spoke Potter's name.

"Yes," she confessed blankly, her eyes still filled with anxiety. "How did you—"

"The engagement announcement," I interjected, "I saw it on the paper."

"Oh, right," she said, her eyes now locked on the table and her voice a little more than a stutter from her supposed awkwardness on the subject. "Of course you would have seen it then." A few moments of silence passed by as I tried to think of a way to bridge past the subject of her marriage. I supposed I should have given her my congratulations, however, it would have been pointless since I didn't mean them.

She looked up at me with her worried eyes before I had a chance to say something. "I'm sorry, I've wasted too much of your time. I should be going," she said softly, her words flying out in a rush.

"It's fine, I was all by myself anyway," I amended, not wanting her warm presence to leave me. "Please, you don't have to leave," I muttered quickly as she got up from her chair to leave.

"It's late," she stuttered, turning her face down to look at me. "I should be getting going. He'll wonder where I am. I should be home."

"But, I'll see you soon then?" I pleaded. I knew how much I would suffer from her lost presence when I got back to Spinner's End. The only way to cure it was by seeing her again.

She hesitated for a moment where she fixed her anxious eyes on mine in an intense gaze, again trying to unlock the doors to my soul that I put up against the world. With a half smile, she whispered, "Maybe," before turning around to hurry out the pub door.

I felt my torso still leaning forward in my chair, longing to have her back in my presence, a few moments after she had gone. The warmness inside me suddenly faded back to ice as I sat as cold and lonely as a stone in the pub.

'_Maybe' she had said. That meant there was a slight chance that she wanted to see me again_, I thought. I felt happiness arouse inside my heart with a flutter, but I didn't want to count on my hope again. The word 'maybe' was my only promise of Lily.

Maybe. A word used so many times when one didn't want to make the other upset by giving the honest answer of no. How rarely it was used when someone meant yes. She didn't want to see me again. That was clear from her departure of this meeting her and her last, and I was a fool to think otherwise.

I started cursing myself for thinking anything else of the word maybe. I started cursing myself for not making better conversation with her. I started cursing myself for mentioning the name Potter and bringing up her marriage. I started cursing myself for not making her want to stay. I started cursing myself for not being someone she would want in her life. I started cursing myself for not being a man that was worthy of her; her friendship, her love, her affection. I started cursing myself for being me, Severus Snape, a fool; a man destined to a dark life of solitude and neglect. A man whom everyone was to look upon in disgust and hatred. A man not worthy of life itself. A man that I felt shame and hatred for, far more than any other living being in the world.

With an angry groan I threw my head down hard onto the table, my hands curling into fists and punching the table alongside of my head. I kept my face smothered into the wood, letting the pain from the force of the hit soak in, all the while, cursing myself and all the happiness, dreams, and hopes in the world that would never bring me my Lily.

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**Hope you all enjoyed! Also, thanks to all those who added this story to their story alert. I got a bunch of those notifications! But! I will only know your true thoughts if you review :) They truly do encourage me to write another chapter in an adequate amount of time because I feel I have someone to write for. So, please review! I need to know whether I'm doing a good job or if it's just rubbish :)**

**Follow me on twitter to see what I'm up to! (w w w. t w i t t e r . c o m / ellaurora) I'm most likely to post all of my excuses there, along with a bunch of other pointless crap :) Thanks a bunch!**


	7. A Man of Disguise

A/N: Well, would you look at that? Posting a new chapter only two days after the previous one. Seee! I told you those reviews work! They gave me a bunches of motivation!

A/N: Anywho, I'll make this author's note short and sweet! I'm not incredibly happy with this chapter. It didn't come out like what I had originally wanted and I'm afraid that I drifted a little away from Snape's character. Maybe? I'll let you be the judge. But, after agonizing over it and finding nothing to really improve upon without scrapping the whole thing, I decided to just post it in hope that you all will like it far more than I do!

A/N: Special thanks again to all those reviewed! They literally make me a very happy camper :)

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~6~

_A Man of Disguise_

~August 20, 1979~

I lifted my long black cloak out of the inch of mud I now stood in. With a groan, I bundled the ends of the cloak into my long spindle-like fingers. The summer rain from earlier in the day left the atmosphere feeling moist and humid as a fog seemed to descend down upon the world along with the setting sun and darkness.

I walked closer to the edge of one of the buildings I stood in between. They were both of identical structure and brick work that matched the rest of the tiny buildings situated in the square and shopping village of Godric's Hollow.

From the alleyway I now stood in, I had a perfect view of innocent passer-bys anxious to get their evening shopping done before returning to their snug homes. With my cloak clutched in one hand and a vial of polyjuice potion in the other, I was ready to pick out the victim I would impersonate tonight in the tiny pub a block up the square. My polyjuice potion was finally ready and it was tonight that I would start venturing into the pub in disguise in the hopes of catching Dumbledore there.

I spotted a plump old man coming down the street, bending over a cane as he limped his way along. He had an old sac clapped in his hand and wore an expression of disdain. The typical old crotchety muggle man. I felt my stomach roll at the sight of him and the thought of knowing he would be the perfect fit for impersonation. He was a lonely old bastard whom no one was sure to miss for one night.

I took out my wand and was prepared to hex the old fool to the ground, a simple spell that would make it look like he carelessly slipped in a pile of mud. My next step would be to keep him in an unconscious state for a while in this alleyway, my cloak thrown over him. In the darkness of the alley, no one would notice him.

My focus on the old man was thrown off course when I saw a flash of bright red-orange shine through the fog. The color that was dearer to me than the emerald Slytherin green or the midnight black on my robes. My wand immediately fell and I squinted through the fog to see Lily making her way down the street, bags of what looked like groceries clutched in her arms.

The old man and the polyjuice potion my hands now tightened around were no longer an occurring thought to me. They vanished into thin air as soon as Lily stepped into the picture. Without even giving it a thought, I ran out of the alley, dropping my black cloak back into the mud and shoving the vial of potion into my pocket, to stop Lily in her tracks. It probably wasn't the most rational idea, but all I wanted was Lily. I couldn't let her escape when she was right there in front of me.

She heard the loud thumps I made as I jogged swiftly towards her. As she turned her head cautiously around to face me, eyes landing on my figure, her whole body froze. I slowed my pace down, my breath beginning to come faster from my moment of exercise and my eyes going wild in anticipation.

I hesistated a few feet in front of her when I came to a stop. Her body was still rigid and the realization of what a fool I just made of myself began to hit me. It was a terrible idea to catch up with her, especially seeing that she wanted nothing to do with me. Without whispering a word, I turned around in humiliation, beginning to slump back to the alley.

"Where are you going?" I heard the soft voice coo behind me, tickling my ears as only that sweet bell chime could.

I turned around in my embarrassment to look into her eyes. They seemed rather saddened tonight. "I'm sorry," I began in a whisper to match hers, stumbling over syllables like an incompetent idiot. "I shouldn't have run to you like that. You're probably busy. Don't let me stand in your way, I'll just be going."

"No, it's okay," she replied quietly, a hint of a smile beginning to bud on her soft, pink lips, "After all, I bursted into your company last time, so it's pay back."

"Very well then," I said with a slight nod. The action was a tad formal, but it was in effort to prevent myself from sounding like the shy, humiliating child-like version of me that I often became in her presence.

Silence erupted again between us as a nervous giggle escaped from her mouth. I felt sweat bud all over my body at my embarrassment. First I come running after her like I'm on a wild goose chase and then I simply stare and drool at her like I'm completely mental. What was it about this girl that turned me into a fool of a man?

"You have mud all over your cloak," she said with a laugh, a shine coming to her eyes when she looked up from the ground to my face that was growing scarlet by the second.

"Oh, um…," I blubbered in insanity, "It fell in mud."

"So I'm tempted to believe," she giggled, her eyes still dancing in tune to the bright smile spreading across her face. "Why are you here anyways? I mean, why am I always running into you here? You can't very well live in this village. I can't imagine you ever choosing to live in a place like this."

Her tone wasn't accusatory. On the contrary, it was full of humor and bright laughs. "I don't live here," I said, stating the obvious, keeping the same indifferent tone of formality I had used before. "I come here for business."

"What kind of business?" she asked, a little daring but still smiling all the same, "I can't imagine you negotiating business ventures with the muggles."

"I would never." My voice was full of boredom at her efforts to crack into my secrets, and I hoped this would be sufficient enough to discourage her from pressing on.

"So then what kind of business do you do here?" She continued, leaning forward in place, obviously still daring me to deny answers to her questions. The woman was too nosey for her own good.

It took me a minute to think of a good lie to feed her, fully aware I could never tell her the truth of my real intentions in case of exposure. I settled for making it as mysterious as possible. "Business in the nature of purposeful for only myself and a few others, I suppose you could say."

"Well that doesn't narrow it down much," she complained, crossing her slender arms over her chest in a stubborn, defiant manner.

"I'm afraid that was my intention, for it has nothing to concern you," I replied, my voice still as nonchalant as I could make it, "It is a business venture full of risks and secrecy, therefore, telling you or anyone else for that matter would only jeopardize exposure."

"You always were one to keep quiet on matters of importance," she said with a sigh, admitting her defeat at last. I was thankful for that and I prayed she did not think the worst of my 'business' venture.

"Age has not changed me," I mumbled clearly. For once, I was inching my way back to my coherent self in front of her. "Nor has it you."

"Really?" she questioned dubiously. "I think I have changed quite a bit actually, and I think you have too, although maybe not in the core fundamentals."

"How so?" I questioned softly, afraid of the reply I would receive. I was skeptical of what she would say. She couldn't possibly know the vile, cold man I had become.

"Well for one," she started, her friendly grin coming back, "You seem a bit more mature and wiser. I don't think you're so caught up in your magic books anymore that you're in denial to reality and life itself." Her smile began to fade slowly as her voice got softer, more sorrowful. "I see it in your eyes. Those dark eyes. I can see they have seen a lot of hurt, solitude, fear, and desperation. I can tell you have grown up Severus, but maybe too quickly."

She perceived me too well, perhaps better than any other human I've ever known. The fact of this made my stomach turn nervously. I did not want to be understood. I never desired that type of connection to other human beings, but she was venturing too close to my borders.

Of course when I was younger I lived in a world where dark magic was something I fantasized about, but never actually lived. Now, I've witnessed everything from the cruelty one can inflict on another and have done the acts myself. I have seen the harm, felt the fear, and embraced the sadness that comes from being a Death Eater. I knew Lily was perceptive and almost always knew my true feelings that I was far from willing to share. I only prayed that she would never catch on to the simple truth that the man she now was standing in front of, the hands of the man that longed to hold her, belonged to that of a murderer; a defiler of goodness, follower of evil.

I stared back at her eyes that were now full of concern, the eyes I knew were dying to break into my thoughts. I tried my best to shield her from the truths that lay there, every one now swimming to the surface of my irises as I saw them imprinted on my brain.

"Anways," she started a few moments later, relinquishing her attempt to break through me and my silence, "What have you been up to after since Hogwarts?"

I hesitated to think before spluttering out what first came to mind. I decided to refrain from the obvious answers and stray toward the least significant ones that were not lies, just embellished specifics. "I've mostly been concentrating on making potions, selling them to places that request my services with them, like St. Mungo's and other smaller institutes. I don't get much profit from it, but it's something that distracts me and I have plenty of money left over after my mother's death."

"I always knew you'd be some great potioneer," she said with a smirk, "You always were the best in our year."

"But you were a close second," I interjected before those compliments could make my pallid skin flush.

"Not nearly as good as you though," she contradicted, "You just have a raw talent for it. And…I'm sorry about your mother."

"There's no need for your condolences," I stammered. I didn't want her pity nor anyone else's. My mother was a miserable woman who dreamed about her death from a young age. She was never happy and it was just a matter of time before she went.

"My parents died as well recently," she continued, ignoring my previous words. The sadness came back to her eyes and I thought I saw a glimmer of tears start to bud. "Father had a heart attack in the middle of seventh year that left him weak until he passed away the summer after school ended, and mother shortly after from a muggle disease."

"That must have been hard on you," was the only thing I could think to mumble. I wanted to reach out and grab her hand to comfort her, but I didn't know if it would have the opposite effect.

"Don't be. That's life," she said, trying her best to give me a smile, but those tears were still there. "Everyone has to die at some point. Otherwise, how would everyone else keep moving on."

"Very optimistic," I commented, thinking of nothing better to say.

"I try," she whispered, "It helps….I feel sorry for you though. You must have no one now. You never did have much family."

"I don't have any family, but I'm making it just fine on my own," I said in as much of a content voice that I could muster. The idea of someone feeling sympathy for me was one that did not occur very often and one that was not very welcoming.

"Yeah, you always were independent," she agreed, "But you must have someone in your life that means something to you? I mean, you can't just be all alone."

"I have friends," I replied with a stretch of the truth. The death eaters were more like alliances and partners in order to keep yourself alive. A friend was the last term I thought of them as. But, I tried to assure her that I was not completely alone, even though solitude was my significant feature. However, I did not want her wasting pity over me. "They may not be my ideal relationships, but I have them all the same."

"No one important to you?" she asked again, her eyes full of curiosity and what looked like a twinge of hope.

I raised my eyebrow and gazed at her perplexed before answering, "No, no one of that sort."

She sighed and nodded her head. "Well I…I hope you do find somebody."

"Not likely," I answered nonchalantly, cutting her off.

For a minute, we both seemed to become aware of our surroundings. The night was falling on us and the few people still left in the village were all starting to head home as many of the lights in the shops began to dim.

"I should start getting back now," Lily interrupted, turning back to face me. "It's getting dark and I don't want to be stuck out here this time of night."

"I'm sorry I kept you so long," I mumbled softly, trying hard to disguise the disappointment in my voice. I felt a twinge of emptiness begin to ripple through my body again.

"Don't be," she whispered sweetly in a tone that matched mine, indicating she caught on to my disappointment, "It was nice catching up with you." Her eyes were lighten up again as they're warmth into mine.

"Would you like me to help you carry your groceries home?" I mumbled in haste, desperate not to leave her side yet, taking notice of the things her arms still held. "I don't want you walking all by yourself at night."

I knew it was a foolish thing to ask, let alone to think, but to my surprise, she consented to it. "Yes, I'd like that," she stammered, and I thought I saw a glimpse of that smile growing bigger.

I was about to reach for one of the bags still clutched in her full arms when a sharp stab seared through my body, erupting like a volcano from my left forearm. It took every ounce of power within me to keep my calm façade and not scream or grab my arm. I did not want Lily knowing what lay beneath the black sleeve that now reached out to grab her bag, lingering so close to that beautiful, innocent body. The Dark Lord wanted to see me. I could tell from the strength of the pain that he was angry. He was displeased and I could not tarry any longer here with her for fear of my own life.

I quickly recoiled my arm and blurted out in haste, "I'm sorry, I just realized I have to meet someone. I'm afraid I have to go. I'm already very late."

Her smile faltered then and the light was diminished from those haunting green eyes. I felt my heart break in two in a pain that was incomparable to the one still coaxing out of my arm and to the rest of my body. "Oh, that's fine. I can manage by myself. It was nice seeing you again," she said simply, her face in fake expression of content as she turned around hurt to leave.

The pain pulsed through my veins harder, but I couldn't leave yet. The magnet of Lily still held me in my spot. He could wait just a bit longer. I was desperate to hold on to her for just a moment longer, my eyes couldn't look away just yet. "Can we continue this again? Say at the pub tomorrow night?" I called to her fading figure.

She slowly turned around, and lone behold, that smile was on her face, encouraging my hopes and fantasies in an unhealthy way. "Oh no, I don't dare go in that place too often," she said smugly.

"Well, anywhere, you'd like then," I begged, "Please." I felt disgust at the way a dominating man like me was sinking down to the level of a groveling dog.

She hesitated for a moment, biting her lip in concentration, eyes still twinkling all the same. "Do you remember that diner we used to go to every Saturday over the summer?" she started, "When they had that breakfast special? I was remembering the place the other day and how it sat right on the corner, across the street from the—"

"Park," I finished, feeling the hint of smile start to threaten the corners of my own mouth at the memory. "Yeah I remember, but you want to go there?" I asked skeptically with a raised eyebrow. Who in their right mind would ever want to travel back to the horrid muggle village we grew up in?

"Yes," she said, rather cheerfully, "I haven't been in the old neighborhood in a while and who better to go with than an old friend? What do you say?"

"If you really want to," I said, "I'll meet you there at seven then."

"Yes, that'll be fine. I'll see you then," she finished with the biggest cheeky grin I had seen all night that made my insides flutter, "Goodbye Severus." With her eyes still twinkling in the dark of the night, she turned and scurried out of the square toward the streets of houses.

With all the strength I could summon, I walked away from the epitome of beauty that was the sight of her. I tried not to grimace at the pain still threatening to encompass my whole body and staggered forward to and set sail for the Dark Lord. Anticipation and excitement soared through my system at the thought of the pending evening. Those thoughts began to slink away when it dimly occurred to me that I had not completed the Dark Lord's task for this evening. What if Dumbledore had been there? What if the Dark Lord had found out about Dumbledore being in the pub while I was absent? I could only imagine the brute anger and torment I would be forced to succumb to then. I didn't think even my happiest thoughts and fantasies of Lily could distract me out of that pain.

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**Hope you weren't too disappointed by this chapter and you continue on! I planned out a lot of stuff for this story the other day (in the shower oddly enough) and I hope you continue with it to find out what I have awaiting! Juicy stuff will come, but it's all about re-establishing their relationship for right now. **

**I will try to be better about updating, but don't expect them every couple days like this one. Reviews are welcome! We saw how well they worked last time! They are motivation! Soooo...review! Tell me if you thought this chapter was god awful like I did!**

**Tweet it! (www. t w i t t e r . c o m / ellaurora) :) x**


	8. A Knot of Lies

**A/N: Yayy! So I'm back updating in a timely fashion. A week isn't bad right? Anywho, I had planned on updating sooner, like this weekend, but all the craziness of Halloween and parties left me little time to write. But, I was able to get the last two thirds of this chapter done today. Tommorow I have the day off from school (Election Day) and I plan to start the next chapter then, but we'll see.**

**This chapter wasn't too hard to write as some of the other ones for some reason, even though I thought it would. I'm actually surprised that it came out this long in the end, but that's good I guess? **

**Hope you all had a Happy Halloween and don't forget to vote tommorow on Election Day if you are of age! Don't eat too much candy! ;) x**

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~7~

_A Knot of Lies_

My whole body jerked forward as I crashed onto hard ground where the Dark Lord had summoned me, the dark mark's burning leading right to where he desired me. I laid panting on the ground, tangled up in my long cloak, the searing burn still resignating through my veins. My eyes were still squinted shut as they were when I left the street of Godric's Hollow, staring after Lily. The breathtaking smile and sweet beauty was still painted across my eyelids. I refused to open my eyes just yet to the horrors I would soon see, longing to hold onto that sweet pleasure of promise of tomorrow night she had just given me.

As a gust of wind blew through the silent atmosphere, I knew I could no longer prolong the moment. The anxiety began to build up in the pit of my stomach. I slowly opened my eyes, expecting to see the Malfoy Manor towering before me, but instead, an old, abandoned mansion stood in my wake; the Riddle House, abandoned several years ago by the only family the Dark Lord had.

I shuddered to myself as I studied the house before me, feeling an increase of fear rise up in my gut. There was only one logical explanation for why I was now standing before the Riddle House. The Dark Lord had ordered a private meeting. If it were otherwise, it would have been in the safety of Malfoy Manor, among my fellow Death Eaters and servants to the Dark Lord. Here, I was alone, out in the open abandoned society of the Riddle House, left to succumb to whatever the Dark Lord had in mind for me.

_He must have found out I abandoned my post tonight in the pub_, I thought to myself. What else would I have done wrong? Perhaps, a fellow Death Eater had gone looking for me, but instead, found Dumbldeore and his mysterious visitor alone, with no trace of a soul spying on them. If that were the case, I would surely pay dearly….perhaps with my life?

I made the treacherous walk up to the neglected home, all the while, thinking of the lies I would be able to successfully spew off. It seemed as if this had become a night of lies between those I had no choice but to tell Lily, and now the ones I would have to convince the Dark Lord of. Soon, I would be unable to separate these lies from the truths. None of the lies ever matched up with one another. They all just wove around each other, tying into a knot, none of them connected. They were all just a knot of lies that would soon grow and become all the more baffling; impossible to find the ends of each strand to undo all these falsehoods.

I tried to push all my thoughts of earlier that night away, concealing them from where the Dark Lord would be able to get to them. I had been skilled at Occlumency since I was about sixteen, able to conceal all the humiliations and secret thoughts I never wanted anyone to know of, especially the Dark Lord. I prayed that his Legilimens skills would fail tonight, unable to crack open the wall I just built up in my mind, driving out the truths to be replaced by nasty lies.

As I made my way to the door of the house, one side of the frame slanted and on the verge of collapse, I hesitated and poked just my head into the swarm of darkness inside. Just as I did so, a growl of "Come in, Snape," echoed through the house, igniting chills down my spine. The voice of my Master did not sound content in the slightest, and I knew that this was far from a pleasure visit.

The rest of my body emerged into the darkness and walked into the room down the hall, where the door was slightly ajar. All was silent aside from the creaks the wooden floorboards made and my soft breaths as I made my way closer.

I crept into the open room. It was empty except for a fireplace, dust, and a few cobwebs. The Dark Lord stood in the corner, facing the wall. His arms were folded across his chest, his long spider-like fingers drumming on his elbows. Each beat was like the ticking down of a clock before I would feel the full force of his rage, his time bomb ready to explode any second on me.

As I walked in slowly, I noticed another body across the room. The young man looked only seventeen or eighteen with short wavy brown hair. He had a small, weak stature with his fists balled at his sides. The expression he wore on his face as he watched me was completely blank, his eyes holding only a trace of fear and misery.

I walked closer to the Dark Lord who still faced the wall. When I was only about seven feet away from him I mumbled hesitantly, "Master, I am sorry I was late."

A moment of silence passed until the Dark Lord snarled furiously, "Didn't I already warn you of your tardiness, Snape?"

Without a moment wasted, the Dark Lord spun around, his wand slashing through the air, sending my body waves of excruciating pain. I screamed out loud as sharp stabs shot through my veins, and my knees buckled, sending my body to the ground. I lay there crumbled, like a weak, dying animal, thrashing around in his torment, waiting for him to call the unforgivable curse off of me.

"Master please," I begged as soon as he lifted the curse off of my limp body, my breaths coming out in fast jolts of air, "Allow me to explain myself."

"You do not deserve the allowance to justify to yourself," he snapped scathingly, "You did not show up to the meeting _and _you did not perform your task tonight; the task that I so trustingly gave to you. You deserve nothing but punishment!"

"Master, please—" I panted.

"I have given you far too many chances already, Severus Snape! I am not such a fool to trust you with more!" he yelled in fury, his teeth barred.

"Master, do not rule me out as an unworthy servant to you yet," I pleaded, my body still kneeling on the floor before him, "I beg you. Please, here my reasons and then judge whether I am to be punished."

The Dark Lord simply glared at me for a few moments, his evil eyes sending streams of hatred towards me. "Fine," he barked a second later, "But, be forewarned Snape, if your excuses are not acceptable to me, you will be punished, and severely." The corners of his mouth tipped up into a leering, malicious smile on his last few words. The cruel punishment of others was what he thrived on.

I took a moment to clear my mind even more, willing every thought of the truth to fade away into the walls of my brain, cement barricades blocking them from being seen by intruders. The glint in the Dark Lord's eyes told me he was already attempting to unlock those thoughts, but I willed myself to harden my mind even further, as if Lily's life depended on it. My life was worth far less to me than hers.

I cleared my throat in order to assemble my voice in a solid, annunciated tone, which would prove to be more convincing than my hushed pants from before. "I was aware there was a meeting tonight, my Lord," I began, forcing the stream of lies out, "But I did not want to blow my cover by apparating out of sight at the time that it was supposed to be held. I am very sorry, my Lord, for it was poor planning on my part. I should have thought better. I was in the middle of Godric's Hollow Square when I felt the mark burn, but there were too many Muggles around that I could not disapparate in plain site of them."

"But you did not go to your post tonight at the pub," he interrupted in a snarl, his snake eyes looking ready to rip my crumpled body, still resting on the floor, to shreds. "How am I supposed to believe these tales that you were in Godric's Hollow the whole time? If you were, then why were you not sitting in the pub, waiting for Dumbledore? I sent Nott to fetch you at the pub after you did not show up to the meeting, and yet, you were not there! Explain that to me Snape!"

"My Lord," I began to beg, but my tone refused to transform from its' clear sincerity to the weak fear of a coward. Although I was still in a position of submission, I was not about to let my pride dwindle to portray me as a weak coward afraid of the severe punishment I had coming. "I was prepared to go to the pub tonight, but my stock of polyjuice potion is running low. I have just about run out. I am afraid my cover will be blown if I keep up this practice of going into the pub every night, disguised only as myself. Tonight, I sought to wander around the square of Godric's Hollow, to watch only for suspicions. Forgive me Master, for I was beginning to feel discouraged of late for not finding more information on Dumbledore and his supposed secret accomplice. It will not happen again. I will keep my duties and the tasks you have so generously given me in focus."

He seemed to ponder over my words for a moment, the fury in his eyes starting to diminish slightly. "Oh, you are very good Snape," he leered, "I will grant you that. You are as cunning and conniving as they come. You have learned a lot from me, your Master. But don't be so quick to think that I believe your every word, for, your story is still missing a vital point." He paused, the leer hardening to become a cruel snarl of fury, "Where were you that it took you so long to come to my side? Was that _burn _on your arm for several minutes not enough to remind you where your services were _needed_? Does it need to be more _painful_ for you?"

It took less than a second for the pain to hit my body like a million swords, and a second to realize what he was doing to me. I fell back to the wooden floor like a wounded animal, whimpering and writhing in the brutality of the Cruciatus Curse. A few seconds later, the curse was lifted, leaving me panting on the ground once again. "Explain yourself!" the Dark Lord shouted in rage.

"I…I…I had to get away from the Muggles," I started, trying to steady my stuttering voice left over from the craze of torment, "I was right in the middle of their village. I had to try to get away as quickly as possible without looking to conspicuous. Forgive me, my Lord, for it took me a few minutes to plan out my course of action, wondering whether or not to abandon my post. You had warned me against ever abandoning it for a night."

"But that was why I had sent Nott along. To take over the post for you!" he interjected, his screams echoing inside the old house, the walls quaking from the earsplitting noise. "Where were you when he was searching for you? Did you not just confess to me that you had been wandering all around the pub tonight?"

"I was, Master, but I must have missed him," I said, starting to regain a sense of control on myself, "A few minutes after the mark started to burn, I wandered away from the pub, looking for a safe place to apparate to your side."

Just then, in the few moments of silence that passed, the Dark Lord's eyes seemed to bug out of his pallid face as his body went rigid, attempting at last to dive into the depths of my mind and see the truths there. I only worked harder to keep my defenses up, at the same time as keeping my composure in order to not give myself away. The Dark Lord's temple began to pulse rapidly as he drew a sharp intake of breath, eyes staring even fiercer and more piercingly into my own. I kept my gazes as hazy and blank as I could, and at last, he tore his face away in a fierce grunt.

"I will accept your excuses for now Snape," he hissed, "But be warned, if I figure out what you told were lies, it will be more than the Cruciatus Curse that you will have to answer to."

"Thank you, Master," I muttered graciously, a sigh slipping from my mouth. I got up off the floor shakily; my body still worn from the pains put on me from before, and gave a stiff bow.

"However," he cut in sharply, "You will be taken off your post at the pub for punishment and will no longer be regarded to me as being in my highest, most trust worthiest ranks."

"Master, I regret how I have disappointed you, but do not take me off of the task—"

"Enough!" he snapped, "You are in no position Snape to negotiate. Your only hope now is to pray that you will regain your position back by doing everything I ask without question and gathering me information on whatever may be valuable. If you are as sly and cunning as I once thought you were Snape, you should have no problem."

"Yes, Master, but I can still carry out the task at the pub—"

"No!" he yelled, "You have lost your chance on that one. Besides, didn't you say you were all out of polyjuice potion and were afraid to blow your cover? Well, until you make more polyjuice potion, it will no longer be your duty to spy on Dumbledore. Your post has been reassigned to Regulus," he jerked his head to indicate the young boy in the far corner, now cowering against the wall in what looked like fear from being addressed. The boy's name then hit me, a fellow Slytherin classmate, _Regulus Black_. "He has just delivered me valuable information," the Dark Lord continued, "He has just informed me that his own brother, Sirius Black, is now also a confirmed member of Dumbledore's alliance. As such, he will now be rewarded."

The thought of Sirius Black being regarded by Dumbledore as a worthy accomplice was hysterical to me. Not even Dumbledore could be that much of a dunderhead to enlist the help of someone so useless, ignorant, and egotistical as Sirius Black. I felt too much pleasure start to swim to my mind at the delight of being the one to destroy Black. _Revenge_, I thought to myself joyfully, but the Dark Lord's words drew me out of that distraction for the time being. "You see Snape?" he went on in his jeer. "Those who show true loyalty to me, those who are willing to jeopardize their own family and so called loved ones," his voice sounding in disgust on his last words, "for me, just like Regulus, are the only ones I can trust. You must learn that in order to survive here."

"Yes Master," I agreed, thoughts of Black aside, and feeling shame and humiliation creep up in my stomach for being made a fool of by the Dark Lord.

"We are done now," he hissed, "Now go!"

I scurried out of the house, away from the Dark Lord and the young Black, and down the yard, not daring to look back, as fast as I could, my knees threatening to give out from the heavy weight my body now felt like.

I was still shaking all over from the pain I had just been subjected to endure, knowing fully well, that I would take it a thousand times more than another kind of pain. Indeed, the Cruciatus Curse would be ten times less painful than if I ever had to suffer from the heartbreak and torment of losing Lily, again.

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**So hope you enjoyed this chapter. It's a tad rushed at the end I think, but I didn't want to keep dragging it on. Don't worry, Lily will be back soon if that served as any disappointment to you! **

**Thanks to silvermoony77 for her encouraging words in her review and Harley for always reviewing since the beginning! (You legit just reviewed on the last chapter as I am posting this chapter! That was really funny/ironic!) Thanks to the bunch of you who added this to their Story Alert since the last chapter, but I will only know your true thoughts if you review! They are very motivational and make me write faster :)**

**Tweet it! (www. twitter. come / ellaurora) [w/o spaces] Always post what I'm up to, when the next chapter will be up, and how it's coming along there. :)**

**Good Luck to any of you that are participating in NaNoWriMo!**


	9. Unfamiliar Territory

A/N: I feel like I haven't posted in a long time, although it's only been a week. I would have had it done sooner, but I got addicted to this book I was reading and lost focus on my story. Well, that book is done now and I wrote this whole chapter (except for a half a page of it) today! Yeah, my homework's not done, but I didn't wanna keep you guys waiting!

A/N: Just gonna clear some things up that are gonna come up in this chapter. JKR never goes into detail about the extent of the abuse Snape suffered from by his parents as a child, so I used my own interpretation, which you'll read a brief summary of. In doing this, it coincides with how I described this abuse in my other Snape/Lily story _For Her_, which mainly focuses on their childhood. The aspect of Snape's childhood from his parents to him and Lily, are going to coincide with what I wrote in _For Her _, so you can check that story out on my profile if you wanna see some of the events of their childhood [only the ones that fit] that will come up in this story. I will be putting short snippet summaries in if you choose not to :) [The description of the park at the end of this chapter is also from _For Her_]

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~8~

_Unfamiliar Territory_

~August 21, 1979~

I caught the eyes of all the Muggles in the small diner as I walked through the door. It wasn't often they saw a man with sweeping long black robes come into the place. They eyed me skeptically and I gave them all a blank stare in return, my eyes whirling around the room to find who I was looking for.

"Well don't he look like he just stepped out of some fantasy storybook," I heard one of the waitresses whisper to a customer at the counter. I felt like snapping back, _I am not a person you would like to encounter in your idiotic fairy tales_, but held my tongue.

"Severus," I heard a soft voice ring from across the room and I looked to the end of the diner to see Lily sitting in the last booth, an apprehensive look on her face as she waved me over.

All thoughts of the Muggles who continued to stare at me diminished as I made my way over to her. All the frustration and disgust for the Muggles that was just built up in my stomach was deteriorating with every step I took toward her.

"Hello," I muttered as soon as I was standing right next to the booth she sat in.

"Hi," she answered back. She gazed up at me, studying my face quizzically, before saying, "Don't let the Muggles get to you." She must have seen the disgust etched all over my face in my entrance into the diner.

"I would never let those who are inferior affect my behavior in any way," I stated politely, but with a subtle hint of my sadistic sneer, "Their amusement at my appearance does nothing to faze me. They need to learn to keep their opinions to themselves and not agonize over the presence of others."

She raised her brow up in a look of displeasure at my harsh words about the Muggles. "Well, I'm glad to see your opinions of Muggles haven't changed," she snapped back with a thick flow of sarcasm.

"And they never will," I replied sharply, a snarl lingering on my curled lips. So far, this meeting seemed to not be off to a great start, and I pushed my anger aside to try and fix it. At the sight of her taken aback face, I adjusted my tone to put more gently, "I have my reasons for despising their kind. If you remember correctly, you were privy to those at one time."

Her face fell from the one of anger, her features setting to resemble one of guilt. "Oh Severus," she cried, "I'm sorry. I should have remembered. I know you detest Muggles on the basis of what your father did to you. I'm so sorry, I forgot."

My usually hardened features softened as well. "It's alright," I mumbled, trying to ease her unnecessary guilt. I never wanted pity for what my father did before, and I certainly didn't want it now. As a child, my years were rough. I suffered from the verbal abuse, neglect, and degradation imposed on me every day by my father, and occasionally, my mother. I watched all through my childhood as my father broke my mother down to nothing, destroying every ounce of her emotional self until she was nothing but a hollow body. Because of this, I had no parents to rely on as a child, my mother incapable of being one of sufficiency. My childhood only encompassed the neglect, solitude, and mortification I felt and the abuse and fights put on by father and mother. Though I had never mentioned the truths of this humiliating past to others before, I had to Lily, and somehow, she seemed to understand.

Her feature's still resembled those of guilt, and as she gestured me to take a seat across from her, the nervousness and apprehension still crossed her face. "Maybe we shouldn't have come here," she mumbled finally, her worried eyes meeting my serene ones. Even in the intensity of the moment, I still seemed to remain at ease.

"Why?" I questioned, feeling my heart fall a little at the prospect of ending this evening early. After last night's incident with the Dark Lord, the idea of seeing Lily again was the only thing to keep me sane.

"This diner," she started, "The Muggles here. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable."

I wished she would stop fretting over my displeasure with the band of Muggles here. I had been around them many times before, and they were not the worst thing to endure. Indeed, I have suffered much worse. And besides, I knew my position to be far more superior, intimidating them in my wake.

"I have put up with them far more times before," I replied sincerely, "I see more of them every day then I do my own kind. I am surely able to handle them for another evening."

She seemed to be a little humored by my statement. "You mean you still live in that dreadful community?" she asked, amused.

"Unfortunately," I replied, "But it does no good to complain. I am hardly there anyways. It is simply just a place of lodging, and the cheapest for me to afford. When my mother died, she left me the house, no rent needing to be paid."

"Well, sounds like your pretty lucky then," she joked, the smile coming onto her face finally to wipe away the nervousness. It became so much easier to converse when she did not act as if she were on pins and needles.

"It would appear so, but I beg to differ," I said with a hint of a joking tone of my own, although that only consisted of a less harsh sneer. Somehow, I knew she took that as my light sense of humor.

Just then, a stout older waitress with whispy light brown hair made her way over to our booth in the back of the diner. She had a wad of chewing gum stuffed in her mouth, grinding it around obnoxiously. I felt myself grimace at the unruly sight of this woman as she looked me over, moving her eyes up and down to take in my whole appearance. She shook her head, muttering something incoherent to herself, before clearing her throat and turning to Lily to ask, "Anything to drink?"

"Just a water please," Lily answered, more politely than I ever would have been.

"And you sir?" the waitress said in her bored tone, giving me a rather nasty look of distaste.

"No," I sneered.

"Lovely," the waitress snapped back. "To eat?"

"Just the fish," Lily said, still polite.

The waitress turned her head back to me, but I shook my head with a leer of a smile playing on my lips. Finally, the woman groaned as she turned to walk away.

Lily turned back to look at me then, her eyes a little skeptical. "You're not going to eat anything?"

"No, I wouldn't dare eat this poor excuse for what they call food," I answered truthfully.

She sighed and said, "Come on, it's not that bad."

"No thanks, I prefer my food less dirty and greasy," I responded.

"Well, aren't you hungry?" She seemed a little too concerned, and that fact made me uncomfortable yet again. I didn't approve of people butting their noses into my habits and what I did with myself. It wasn't any of their business.

"I can eat when I return home," I said blankly.

"Alright," she mumbled, finally releasing the urge to press on. "So, what have you been up to since last night?"

_Oh, just of the usual sort; cringing on the floor as the Dark Lord threatened and punished me. Nothing out of the ordinary_, I thought to myself. To her, I only muttered, "My business ventures and the occasional read."

"Good books, I hope?" she asked calmly, obviously trying to make calm, natural conversation. I, myself, felt out of my comfort zone with that type. I always had trouble expressing myself naturally in a calm setting, talking about myself like it was as easy as breathing. I was meant for the more intense and unsteady conversations. That was when my calmness shined through.

"I'd like to call them more adequate books than entertaining. They were just to help me advance in my potion making," I answered, trying to provide a sufficient enough answer to that question without making the mistake of leading her on to more questions I would have to answer falsely.

"Oh, sounds like a good read then," she said cheerfully, giggling a little.

"Yes, I suppose you could say that," I replied back lightly. After a few moments pause, I decided to venture into my questions of her. Even after our chance meetings lately, I felt like I knew little about her life after Hogwarts. "What have you been up to?" I asked tentatively.

She tilted her head a little as she seemed to study my face. Her lips curled up into their familiar smile of joy while her eyes sparkled even in the brightly lit diner. "Not much of anything," she said with a shrug, "I don't really have a real career path, I guess you could say. I could never find one that interested me while studying at Hogwarts. I never wanted to be anything big like an auror or work at the ministry. So instead, I work at a small shop in Godric's Hollow Square. Just a small boutique. It's not too exciting, but I enjoy meeting and helping the people that come in, and it helps pay the bills."

"Sounds kind of boring," I drawled out, indicating just how boring it sounded.

"Not really," she replied, "People are very friendly and I like the quaint neighborhood Godric's Hollow provides. Besides, I'm always out and about on the weekends visiting my friends and what not so it's not completely a drag." I wondered at why she didn't enlighten me as to anything about Potter, her _loving_ husband. It seemed weird in a way. Didn't newlyweds love to brag about their spouses they were madly in love with? It seemed as if she was simply skipping over the details of her marriage.

I was about to approach another question in response, when the stout waitress came wobbling back over carrying a plate of food and a glass of water. I scowled at the foul smell emulating from the dish and the nasty expression on the women's face. When she walked away with a nod, I decided to attempt my question.

I carefully thought over how to breach the subject of Potter while Lily picked at her food. It wasn't as if I really wanted to know what was going on with that arrogant arse, but I felt a sense of nagging in my gut that hinted something was off between him and Lily. "So," I began apprehensively, "how's Potter?"

By the look that immediately crossed her face, I knew I had made a wrong move. Her face quickly turned from one of confusion to an accusatory scowl. "Why?" she snapped harshly, "Ready to have a go at him for old time's sake? Ready to mock him when he's not even here to defend himself? Well, if that's why you're here, than I think I should leave."

"No, Lily…" I stuttered, searching for the right words to fix my mistake as she started to scoot out of the booth. "Wait, I didn't mean it like that," I begged, "Don't go."

She studied me, her eyes searching my pleading ones, before scowling and pushing herself back into the booth where her plate of food sat. "Severus, please, I do not want to hear you make fun of James. It's over. This school boy grudge you had with him, it's over. He's my," she hesitated, her eyes going down to the table, as if she could not say the words, "my husband, and I don't want to get into a rift with you for sticking up for him. Please, don't put me in this position."

"Who said you had to stick up for him?" I said, knowing fully well it was not helping the situation, but unable to help myself all the same. "He's not here so it doesn't really matter what I say about him."

"Severus, he's my husband! I can't just sit here and let you say whatever cruel thing you want about him," she exclaimed, her face contorting until it showed her upset. I knew I had to step back and respect her wishes if I still wanted to salvage the evening.

"I'm sorry," I muttered, genuinely showing my apology, "Forgive me. I didn't mean to breach the subject like that."

"What do you mean?" she asked skeptically.

"I meant," I started in a stutter, "I…I just wanted to know how everything was going. With your…with your marriage." For some reason, I had a difficult time getting this phrase out. Perhaps it was because those very words of marriage and love were the ones that had haunted me, destroyed me for so long. Saying them was like crossing back into that lonely, heartbroken territory.

"Oh," she whispered, a little taken aback, "It's fine. I mean, it's what to be expected I guess." Her voice was low and monotone. She seemed to be trying to convince me of her point, but I didn't believe it. Wasn't she supposed to be gushing over James? Saying how much she was in love with him and how much she loved their day to day activities? Instead, her answer seemed hollow, lacking a sense at all of joy or even persuasion.

"What does that mean?" I simply questioned.

She bit her lip and her eyes wouldn't meet mine. Instead, they searched around everywhere, from the diner walls to her food, to the Muggles. She looked everywhere expcept at my eyes. "Well, I mean," she stuttered, hesitating on every syllable, "He goes to work and I go to work. We come home and see each other and talk while we eat dinner. We go to bed and do it all over again. It's just...life."

On her last word, she finally looked up at me and I could see the desperation in her eyes. The desperation of her wanting me to believe every word she spoke, to stop questioning her. But I could not. Instead, I broke through her barriers and invaded her privacy by diving into her mind by the power of Legilimency. There, I saw the images flash before me of Lily sitting at the dinner table alone, laying in her bed at night alone, Potter turning away while she tried to kiss him. More images flashed through as I went deeper in, seeing Lily sitting on a chair in what looked like a parlor, looking up at a clock that read 2 am while a tear slipped down her cheek. Finally, I saw the most horrific image of all; Potter towering over a trembling Lily, shouting at her in a manner that reminded me of the way my father cursed my mother. I felt Lily's mind defenses giving up defeat and I knew it was time for me to pull out of her mind.

Lily sat at the table, clutching her head in what looked like a headache, a sad expression on her face. I prayed that she did not know how much I had just invaded her privacy, of what images I saw. I prayed that she would not relate her new headache to that and judge me for it. I looked at her hand trembling on the table and her contorted face trying to hold back a tear. I simply whispered softly, "Lily, what's wrong?"

"Just a headache—"

"No," I interrupted a little too harshly. I grimaced as I watched her wince back and whispered softly, "What's wrong with you and Potter? Your marriage. Why are you upset?"

She held my gaze for a minute before looking away to the window. She stared out the window, into the darkness of the world outside, and I saw the faint glimmer of a tear start to bud in her eye. "It' nothing," she began shakily, "It's just…it's just that he…he doesn't seem to have time for me that's all."

"How?" I asked concern etched into my hard voice.

"He works late," she began, still glancing out the window as if searching for something. "He doesn't come home till very late most days, without telling me where he goes. I often sit alone, waiting for him to come home, but he never does. I just can't help but feel that that's not how it's…how it's supposed to be."

"It's not," I said, my voice hardening at the increase of hatred I now felt for James Potter."Where does he go? Surely, he doesn't work for that long."

"I don't know," she whispered defeated, "I ask him, and he'll just shout at me that it's none of my business. I can't help but feel that…that I'm not making him happy."

I felt the aching sense of dejavu pulse through my body. It horrifically reminded me of my parents- the neglect, the fighting, the shouting, the blame, all of it. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone. Without thinking, I reached across the table and took Lily's soft hand that rested on the table in mine. She looked down at the touch and simply stared at it, lost in that gaze. "Lily," I tried to coo soothingly, "it's not your fault. It's Potter's. He shouldn't be treating you like that. Please, don't blame yourself."

"I know," she said, looking up at my eyes in her glimmers of tears and trying to give me a small smile of gratitude, "But I just can't help thinking that this isn't what married life is supposed to be like. Isn't my husband supposed to love me? To want to spend time with me? I thought he did, but then recently, he's just been so distant."

I felt at a loss for words. Nothing I could say would make her sufferings go away. What I really wanted was to go hunt down James Potter and kill him within an inch of his life, but I knew that was not the rational decision. Instead, I just murmured, "I wish there was something I could do."

"It's fine," she whispered, squeezing my hand that still held hers, "This helps. I've never talked to anyone about it. I was afraid of what others would think if I told them. I would feel humiliated and embarrassed at not being able to keep my husband interested."

"Lily—", I started.

"That night I first saw you in the pub in Godric's Hollow. I was looking for James. He often tells me he goes there, for business. Although, I don't know what kind of business he really does. I was looking for him, but of course, he wasn't there. But…I did find you, Severus, and I'm happy I did." She continued to gaze at me with a smile that warmed up my heart on the last words. As much as I felt comfort at these words, I almost wished she wouldn't say them. It only would make the loss more painful and lonesome as soon as I went home.

I just nodded, and whispered, "Thank you," trying to give a warm smile in return.

She squeezed my hand again before dropping it. I still felt her touch lingering on my hand as I pulled it back toward my body, a warm tingling sensation pulsing through it.

"We should get going," she said softly. I nodded my head in agreement, although I never wanted to stay so close to her side before in my life. The skin beneath her eyes was pink, and slightly puffy although the glimmers of tears were gone. She looked like the most weak, innocent creature I had ever seen. I couldn't just leave her to go off on her own, a victim to the harsh world around her. But, I knew I had to.

As we walked out the door of the diner quietly, our heads bowed down to the ground, I felt her fingers reach back to grab mine. I felt myself practically jump in the shock and at the pleasure it gave me. When we reached the curb, I prepared myself to go my separate way. I watched her eyes sparkle in the moonlight, her ivory skin glowing. Her smile was a moon of it's own, bringing light to dark, gloomy streets around her.

"Look," she cooed softly, pointing her finger to a place over my shoulder. I turned around and squinted into the darkness, seeing the outlines and shadows of a familiar place. It took me a moment to take in all the shrubs, the playground, and the open field yonder, to finally get an answer as to what that place was. The park. The park I had spent every day of my summer vacation waiting, and watching for Lily. It was our place. The place we spent every day of our summer, just talking or imagining our life back at Hogwarts. As a child, that park was the most special place to me, aside from Hogwarts. I felt a sense of relief and serenity spread through me at the familiar sight of it.

I glanced to my hand where I felt a tugging sensation. "Come on," Lily whispered to me in the dark, her emerald irises shining in anticipation, "remember that place? That was _our_ place."

Sure enough, Lily was leading me across the empty street from the diner, to the park that Lily and I had once called our summer home. Though the darkness would have seen like a foreboding, I felt a deep sensation from somewhere within my heart emanating from the stars above, that the park, which once held the key to all of our hidden secrets and connections, still held that same key, to the love of Lily and I, felt today.

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This night ain't quite over yet! You'll have to wait and see what happens at that park ;] Originally, it was going to be apart of this chapter, but it got wayy to lengthy.

A/N: Thanks to all those who reveiwed! Special thanks to the ones that reveiw everytime! (Silvermoony77, xSilverDoe, and Harley)!

To Harley:

Seeing as you are an anonymous reviewer, i can't reply back to you, but I will on here :] Yes, I am from the good ol' USA! Is it obvious? lol. Thank you so much for the compliments about my writing. I try to write as maturely and as beautifully as I can. I also like your theory on how Snape uses Occlumency. It's the one that I beleive. How else would Voldemort not see he was deceiving him all along? Snape would have to turn those lies into truths. That's kinda that way I was trying to go with that last chapter, but I didn't really get into how he used his Occlumency too much. I plan to stick with that theory for the rest of this story.

Thanks for the very long review, Harvey and you as well Silvermoony77! It makes my heart jump like everytime Snape sees Lily to think that someone likes my story that much to give me so much feedback! I appreciate that so much more than the usual 'update soon' :)

Thank you for all of your support guys, and thanks to those who have added this to their Story Alert. Review Please! Makes me write faster, not to mention, it makes me as happy as Snape seeing Lily's bright green eyes :)

Another note, I'm possible changing my username on here to Ellaurora, just like it is on every other site other than here. So, if you see that, it's just me :)

I'll try to update again this week, but if not, you can check out some of my story _For Her_, to see what I'm referring to in this chapter if you were at all confused by it :)

Tweet it! (www. twitter . com / ellaurora)


	10. Remember

A/N: Well, first off, sorry I haven't updated in nearly two weeks! Life's been kind of busy, and I was so excited for Deathly Hallows that I spent all my free time re-reading the book! Well, that's over now and it was an amazing movie! Hope you all liked it too! I, myself, can't wait to see it again :)

Enough talk about the movie, which I could go on and on about the good and the bad for days! Anywho, this is a continuation of where the last chapter left off. It goes into some memories which I hope doesn't confuse you too much. If it does, I will re-write it. I'm not exactly entirely proud of this chapter myself. Blahh, I'm not happy with my writing in it, but oh well.

A/N: Another note regarding a flame I received from the last chapter. I just want to clear things up so I don't offend anyone. It had to do with the summary of this story in the first chapter. In it, I put that adultery was one of the lowest sins of mankind. The flame pointed this out to me and I'm sorry if it has offended anyone. That is not my personal opinion nor did I say it was anyone else's. I meant that to be in Severus's opinion, seeing as the rest of the story is in his point of view. Yes, you could argue there are a lot worse sins than adultery, but to me, it has to do with personal opinion. In my story, Severus has committed a lot of sins (killing, cruelty on others,etc.), but it is the sin of adultery than makes him lose respect for himself and not recognize the man he was becoming, as will be shown in later chapters. So, sorry if I offended anyone with that line. I think Im going to go change it now as we speak :)

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~9~

_Remember_

I followed Lily up the path through the bushes that led to the wide field. Her hand still laid wrapped in mine as she guided me in the darkness. I watched the gentle, smooth motion her hips made as they swung back and forth underneath her sun dress. The main of red hair flowed down her back, the moon and the stars sending glints of light down to dance on it and her ivory skin.

My eyes drew back from the breathtaking image of her to wander over to the playground we passed on the right. All of it was still the same. I could see the metal slide I used to glide down as a child; Lily shoving me down first and then hopping on it herself.

In the far corner of the playground, beyond the slide and the teeter totter, the most memorable part of this place stood out to me. The gentle breeze blew them back and forth, the chains that held them up creaking in the silent night air. The memories coursed through me of Lily swinging on those swings the first time I met her, and one of me, sitting on them sadly in the night air when Lily had first approached me and decided to be my friend. For the first time in almost a decade, that memory crept out of the locked drawer I had hidden it in, and came back to me:

_I sat on the swings in the playground, wallowing in my own misery. It was deserted as usual and my face was to the ground, watching my feet make patterns in the sand as I swished my body back and forth on the swing. It was dusk and I knew that I had to get going home soon, even though I would have much rather stayed on the swing set all night. It was silent, but I didn't hear the quiet footsteps approach me until they were only inches from mine in my field of view._

"_Is it true?" asked the familiar sweet voice, holding nothing but gentleness and genuine curiosity._

_I looked up and saw the face of Lily looking down on me. She wasn't smiling, but instead had a look of worry and nervousness on her face. The sun was setting behind her in the distance, casting and orange glow around her whole body, accenting the bright green eyes. Her appearance was enough to take my breath away and I felt butterflies creep back into my stomach again. _

"_Is what true?" I barely managed to choke out._

"_What you said," she replied almost instantly, "Am I really…a…a…a witch?"_

"_Yes, you are," I muttered back quietly, afraid as to whether she would be insulted again, but there was no anger etched on her face, only peace. It seemed as if she had been debating my confessions to her for the whole week since my outburst had happened, and now felt satisfied with my answer._

"_How…how do you know?" she stammered._

_I hesitated for a moment, deliberating what to say and looked down to the ground again before answering. "I've been watching you for a while and you've been able to do things that people without magic can't. My mum's a witch and I'm a wizard, so I know the signs."_

_She didn't say anything for a moment and I thought that she had walked away, but when I looked back up, she was sitting on the swing next to me, smiling innocently._

"_I'm Lily Evans," she said, her voice friendly and full of happiness that was infectious. Her green eyes and bright smile made me want to smile too. _

"_I'm Severus Snape," I stammered back nervously, feeling redness swarm up to the surface of my cheeks._

"_It's nice to meet you, Severus," she answered jubilantly, her smile growing brighter and warmer as the sun set and she swung higher and higher into the sky._

The older, but still as sweet and beautiful voice of Lily brought me out of my haze of the memory. "Remember all the times we used to play on those swings, Sev?"

She pointed her hand that wasn't interlocked with mine to the yonder swing set. I felt my heart skip a beat as I heard her say the old nickname she used for me. No one else had ever called me that, and if they had, I would have blasted them with a hex that would have cut their legs off and knocked them senseless. Lily was the only one allowed to call me by that name, and my heart gave a flutter at hearing the sweet voice say it again after so long.

"Yes," I muttered back dazed, my mind still engaged in those memories, "I remember."

She kept tugging me forward down the path and my heart was overcome with such warmth and peace at just the sight of her combined with my memories that I was lucky I could even walk. Finally, we broke through the brush and into the wide field, empty except for long tall grass, waving in the breeze.

Lily just stood with a serene look on her face, staring off in the distance while my eyes raked around the whole scene, taking in all the familiarities from my childhood. My eyes stopped on a thicket of trees I spotted across the way. I stared off at the small canopy made up of six trees, giving the perfect amount of shade from the sunlight during those hot summer days. For a moment, I thought I even caught a glimpse of my younger self, along with Lily's, sitting under that thicket, books in hand.

I looked over at Lily, and sure enough, she was staring across the field at the thicket too. I saw those green eyes reflect back to me the same memories I was seeing in my mind, and I knew, she was remembering them too. Without hesitation, she dropped my hand and began to walk across the clearing, a smile playing on her lips, and I could not help but follow her.

Once at the thicket, I watched ahead as she knelt down onto the grass underneath the canopy of trees, her dress spreading around her. I approached from behind her, but kept standing, simply gazing down at her.

"Remember all the times we used to sit under here?" she asked sweetly, looking up through the trees.

"Yes," I replied gently, "I remember."

"Remember all the times we'd hide under here and you'd tell me what life would be like at Hogwarts? How much better it would be than here?" she asked again.

"Yes, I remember." It was like we were both stuck in a trance of all our memories, both of our voices filled with a passion that I had never heard before. I didn't know where my logical or rational mind had gone. All I could do was simply stare at her, not even being able to move lips and talk. All I could do was gaze at her perfect, beautiful figure and the serene atmosphere around us. All I could do was let my breath be taken away in exchange for all those memories now flooding my head.

"Remember when we used to tell each other everything, right under this spot?" she cooed sweetly again, her face till inclined toward the trees.

I gulped, trying to find my voice to speak. "Yes," I stammered, "I remember." Another memory broke through the brick walls inside my skull, revealing the ones where I told her my deepest, darkest secrets, from the hurt I felt over my parents to the dreams I had always wanted to come true, but that never did.

I was overcome with an emotion I hadn't felt in so long, maybe not ever. I was as cold and cruel as a stone before, never daring to unlock the parts of my brain that would reveal my weakness, my vulnerabilities. I locked up all those memories that contained the secrets from my existence, never daring to hurt or care anymore.

But now, this new emotion of love was coursing through me, in a way that I had never felt before. I had never loved anyone but Lily, but the love I felt for this woman now was different than the one I felt as a child. Now, I was doomed and there was no getting out. The love I now felt for Lily would be the reason of my existence and the key to my ruin and end.

Her body began to lift itself off the ground, breaking the gaze she still held with the canopy of trees. She brought her face around to look at mine, still stuck in a peaceful trance. She gave me a reassuring smile as she walked to where I was standing.

"Remember how we used to always run around on this field playing tag and I'd always beat you?" she asked, still smiling. Her voice seemed to have come out of her trance and was now fully conscious of the scene around us.

"Yes," I stuttered, slowly coming out of it myself, "I remember…vaguely."

She trilled a slight giggle before stepping closer to me. "Well then," she muttered playfully, "Tag, you're it." And before I knew it, she had swatted my shoulder and took off running across the field.

It took me a few seconds to become conscious of what she was doing. My so long adult brain didn't seem to register the childish acts I had not thought of since I was eleven. "Lily!" I shouted to her, "What in Merlin's name are you doing?'

"You're it Sev!" she said, slowing her pace to turn around and yell at me, "You have to try and catch me."

Whether it was because of the way she sounded when she called my name or because my brain was still flooded with memories, I took off after her in a hesitant walk that slowly turned into a slight jog. The humiliation coursed through me and I wished to stop before I embarrassed myself more, but I couldn't find the will power to break free of it. She was pulling me closer to her and all I could do was chase after her, the way I hadn't when our friendship had ended so many years before. Now, I was making up for it, pushing myself harder so I did not lose her again.

I was coming closer to her and the adrenaline hit me hard. She looked back at me, the smile still spreading across her face. I reached out my arm and took her hand, but suddenly, my fleeting moment of endurance came crashing down abruptly when the reality of my inept athletic ability caught up with me and I tripped over my own cloak, falling to the ground on my back, dragging Lily down with me.

I landed on my back with a groan, and Lily landed right next to me, my hand still clutching onto her wrist. She was still smiling as she lifted herself up and rolled over, perching her body on top of my chest. One hand was still held in mine, while the other, lay flat on the other side of my body, holding her stable as she loomed over me. As I met her eyes, I was reminded of yet another memory:

_I felt movements and heard panting where I lay and I opened my eyes to see Lily's face only inches away from me. She was squatting on the grass, trying to catch her breath from the run she had just had as she leaned over me._

"_Am I too fast for you, Sev?" she asked panting._

_Startled at our close proximity, the only coherent thing I was able to mumble was, "Yeah."_

Now, my body felt frozen from underneath hers, but slowly the warmth pulsing out of her own body began to wrap itself around me, comforting me and relaxing my muscles.

"I thought you had forgotten," Lily's tired voice muttered softly, through her pants, "I thought you had forgotten all the times we spent together, everything we did."

I looked up into her sparkling eyes, allowing myself to sink into the warmth her body spread across mine, allowing the tingling and fluttering sensations to spread over the surface of my skin. Just as before, the love I felt for her hit me, just from looking up into her eyes and feeling her pressed onto me.

"I never forgot," I stammered in reply, still struggling to catch my breath. A smile immediately broke out onto her lips, sparking one onto mine.

In an instant, however, that smile was gone. In replace, was a blank expression I had never seen before. She gazed down at me, but I could see the emotion and passion firing through her. Without thinking, she was bringing her face down closer to mine and I was bringing mine up to hers. I didn't register what she was doing. I felt so helpless and vulnerable, a way I never usually felt. The world only started to become real to me when those soft lips descended upon mine, their landing causing a spark to shoot through me.

I felt absolute heaven and bliss pulse from my heart to the rest of my bloodstream. A moment was beginning to unfold that I hoped and prayed for for so long. I could do nothing but part my lips to accept hers in return, letting the slow gentle kiss take place. My conscious mind was gone. The alarms and warnings it sent to me were buried somewhere in the back of my head. Now, I only wished to experience the dreams and the passions I felt, guided to me by my heart.

Almost too soon however, our lips broke away from each other abruptly. I felt her exhale sharply, and in a moment, that warm body was off of mine. My mind was still reveling in the bliss that it did not realize what was happening. I didn't hear any sounds, only a silent crack that my conscious mind would have told me was the noise of dissapparation.

When I opened my eyes to the darkness, my body still laying flat on the ground, she was nowhere in sight. She was gone…

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Well, I hope you liked it! Thanks to all of you that reviewed, even the flame! Criticism can be a good thing, no matter how much we think otherwise. Thanks to silvermoony and Harley who review everytime!

And to Harley (my respond to your review):

Haha, I'm glad you like the bits of humor I "attempt" to slip in. I'm also glad that you don't think it's too much or uncalled for. Thank you very much for letting me know I have good balance in my stories as well! I'm kind of paranoid about that. I always think I should put more narrative in to equal the amoutn of dialogue, but I'm glad you like the way it's going!

Also, I think you should try and publish some of your stories. I can tell from your reviews that you'd make a fabulous writer. You really know what you're talking abotu when it comes to writing and what a good story should consist of. I hope you continue reading this story more and liked this chapter (I'm not all that thrilled with it, but I hope you like it).

Thanks a billion for reading and reviewing Harley and everyone else!

~Ellaurora :) x

**Tweet it! (www. twitter . com /ellaurora) **


	11. The Aftermath

A/N: Yayy! So 25 reviews total on this story so far? Wow! Thank you guys so much! That's more reviews than I've ever gotten only this many chapters into it. Thank you to all my reviewers from last time (**silvermoony77**,** Harley**, **China-kouran**, and **slytherlingrlll**). You all really know how to boost my confidence and make my day :) I think your reviews would even bring about a smile from ol' Severus Snape...well, maybe...

A/N: Well, I'll stop babbling and leave you all on this note. For some reason, I like this chapter. I don't know why, but I had fun writing the beginning of this chapter. I hope you like it as well and are not too heartbroken by the ending. Trust me, there will be lots more good stuff to come! I made a detailed outline of this story the other day, and it should end around 30 chapters. So bare with me and I hope you all stick through it to the end!

Hope all you Americans had a Happy Thanksgiving! :)

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~10~

_The Aftermath_

~August 23, 1979~

I stood outside a small shop that rested on the corner of Godric's Hollow Square. The sign above the small building read "Barty's Boutique". Studying the sign that hung above me, I was sure this was the place I was looking for. How many other boutiques would lie in just one tiny village?

_I work at a small shop in Godric's Hollow Square. Just a small boutique_, she had said. At the moment, this was the only lead I had to go on. The only lead I had as a chance of finding her. Two nights prior, she had run away from me and the passionate moment we had shared in the oh-so familiar park, leaving me in a state of bewilderment and heartbreak. She had practically disappeared into thin air.

The whole of the day previous was spent contemplating that night and that specific moment. We had surely felt a connection again; a connection that ran deeply to our core and allowed us to understand each other in a way that no one else ever could. Somehow, she had run away from that and the tender kiss which should have only solidified our bond.

The whole day previous was spent sitting in my chambers, arguing with myself over the fact of going after her. By 12 o'clock noon, I had decided against any chance of gaining her back, and therefore, convinced myself to not waste what precious time I had away from the Dark Lord chasing after her.

However, by the time 5 o'clock rolled around, I was arguing again with my rational mind to go and find her, to not let her slip through my fingers once more. I had let her go without a word once before and it had cost me so much hurt and suffering. I knew that this time, it would only be much worse. And so, my heartfelt mind won out against the rational one and I started formulating a plan like some love struck old fool that would bring me to Godric's Hollow to find her and win her back.

And here I stood; peeking through the front windows of Barty's Boutique like some uncanny old creep, hoping to catch a glimpse of the red-haired beauty within the only lead I had to go on. I pretended to study the items lying in the front window, from the encased golden chains and necklaces to the long, flowing party dresses. Through the window, I could not see much of the tiny shop aside from an older woman looking through the opposite side, shooting me a scathing look.

I jumped back and turned my eyes to look at those inhabiting the street around me, catching the odd looks they also directed towards me. _Stupid idiot-brained Muggles_, I shouted from the shelter of my mind, _can't a man look into a women's boutique without warranting the wrath of humiliation from the whole damned town! _With a scowl directed at all of them, I pushed open the door that led to the confinement of the shop and out of the Godric Hollows public's eye.

The shop had one of those bells sitting atop the door that rang whenever it was pushed open. Only Muggles ever put those damn things in their shops, thinking it gave off some quaint wave of hospitality, when really I felt the exact opposite from it. Irritation for Muggles and their idiotic ways bubbled through me, and for a moment I was about to whip out my wand and hex the bloody bell down from the door, when my eye caught a sliver of red coming from the back of the shop.

In an instant, my disdain for the tiny little bell and the Muggles was gone as I turned and looked to see Lily at the back of the store, head bent down to the counter, curling ribbon with a pair of what Muggles called scissors.

I made my way to the back of the store towards the counter where Lily stood, ignoring the incredulous gazes I received from the three other women in the shop, one of whom was the older lady from the window before. Lily didn't lift her head once in my trek over. Only when I was right beside the counter did she finally realize someone was there.

A look of shock was the only thing that seemed to register with her at first as she gave me a blank stare. I sent her one in return, only studying her eyes that often gave away so much. Inside them, I saw sadness and confusion. On the outside however, her face was starting to come out of its' blankness, revealing a pinkish blush that touched her cheeks, most likely from the memory of the other night. In true form, my own pallid face started to gain some color at the memory of that night. She bowed her head down as her face continued to redden, obviously in mortification.

The moment seemed to drag on where we both stood there, red-faced as tomatoes, me staring at her while she continued to stare down at the counter top where her slim hands rested. A few seconds later, she looked up in composure, most color drained from her face, and muttered a little too harshly:

"Well, aren't you going to say anything? There must be some reason you came to confront me at my place of work."

I just looked at her back with a vacant expression, a little taken aback by her callous tone. I didn't feel bothered to answer her or explain myself when she presented herself in such a cruel, uncaring manner. Those hard eyes just met mine, pining desperately for an answer.

"Of course," she scowled, a few moments later after our stare-off, "Don't give me a reasonable answer back as usual. Just pretend I know everything you're thinking."

"But I don't pretend you know everything I'm thinking," I interjected calmly, "On the contrary, I don't think you know much about me and my processes of thinking at all."

"Well, that's brilliant then because I could say the same; that you don't know much about my thinking either," she answered roughly.

"Yes," I drawled in a bore, to disguise my wonderments on where all this hostility from her was stemming from, "Then it's very clear that we don't know each other that much at all if we cannot even gain some explanation as to why the other thinks the way that they do."

"Yes," she answered, her hardened eyes burning through mine in what seemed as an effort to stick it to me. "Clearly we don't really know anything at all about one another."

Our stare off continued until I could no longer take anymore of this inanity. "Well now that we have discovered how little we know of one another, can we move on to a more significant subject," I said, "For example, we can start with the reason I am here."

"Yes, let's," she announced in a sarcastic tone.

"Why did you leave so abruptly the other night without even a moment's explanation or a word of goodbye?" I asked cautiously, prepared for if she started to lash out at me once again.

Instead of answering, she drew her eyes away from mine and turned her back, scooping up a pile of the shop's merchandise and walking out from behind the counter to begin to stock them on shelves. I followed in her wake, waiting for an answer, silently trailing behind her as she reached to place things on shelves. When she realized my strategy, she sighed and said reluctantly, "It was late. I didn't realize how late it was and I had to go."

I noticed through these newly formed words that her back stayed turned away from me the whole time, refusing to bring her eyes to meet mine. Maybe she thought I would catch onto the truth if I looked into those eyes and saw what she was hiding? Maybe she was correct, but I didn't broach the subject, instead just saying simply, "You could have at least had the decency to mutter a goodbye. _Or_ was it your ambition to leave me hanging there amongst your vulgarity?"

She still continued to walk circles around the tiny shop, ignoring my eyes as I followed in her wake. "Severus, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude," she mumbled, trying to divert her attention to the gold lockets she was now rearranging on a small table. I noted how she no longer seemed it fit to call me by the nickname she had used the other night. "You…you," she began to stutter as a pinch of color started to stain her cheeks, "you were…distracting me, and I thought it was best that I should leave sooner rather than later."

"Oh, so that excuses your leaving in such haste?"

"No, I didn't say that it did," she exclaimed, turning her back to move onto another shelf. "Look," she began to start again, stumbling over her words nervously, "I'm very sorry to have hurt you by leaving so suddenly, but…I …I didn't see any alternative at the moment."

"Meaning?" I asked skeptically, my voice gaining a hard edge.

"Severus, I should have never touched you," she all but shouted in exasperation, finally whipping her head up to fixate her eyes upon mine. "It was wrong and I'm so very sorry."

"There's no need to apologize," I said a tad more softly, confused as to where the conversation was going. "It's just as much my fault as it is yours." I watched her eyes to pick up some kind of a subtle hint, but all I saw was the nervousness and embarrassment now emanating off of her and her reddened cheeks.

"No, it's entirely my fault. Please don't take the blame for this, please," she begged, a look of desperation crossing over her stressed face. "I simply lost myself in all the memories, everything that had once happened in that park and all that we had gone through. It brought them all back to the surface, and for a moment, I must have forgotten myself." She paused to look back down, staring at her hands that now entwined a necklace around them. "Look," she began shakily, stammering herself out of nervousness. "What I'm saying is…well, I don't mean that…look, I'm sorry, but…"

"Please stop apologizing," I demanded, wishing more than anything for her quiet, incoherent stutters to come to an end. They caused my own calm self to sit on edge and become wary as to where she was leading.

"No, let me finish," she interrupted defiantly, her voice raising enough to catch the strange looks from the few woman still left in the room. "Look, I don't think we should see each other for a while or anymore for that matter," she began, gaining back her sense of composure so she was able to mutter softly, but still coherently. "I mean of course we might bump into each other every once and a while, but I think we should try our best to avoid ever meeting again."

I didn't fully register the latitude of what she was saying at first. I was lost looking into those pulsing green orbs, trying to decipher the hidden messages there, that I didn't take into account the extremes of her words. "Why?" I asked tentatively, a little bewildered and shocked, "Did I say something wrong? Did I do something to offend you?"

"No, nothing at all. You were yourself. You were everything I expected you to be and more," she tried to say reassuringly, but instead it came out as a pathetic stammer, "It's just, like it or not, I'm a married women and what I did the other night…well… it went against my marriage vows. I don't want that to happen again. And if I spend all this time with you, well then it might."

"It won't happen again, I can assure you, please—", I pleaded in desperation. The height of what she was saying started to hit me. Lily didn't want to see me again. She thought it was wrong for what I had done. For that kiss we had shared. She was upset and angry. She couldn't be with me or see me anymore. I was about to lose her…again.

"I know," she said softly and a little brokenly. Those eyes could no longer hold mine and nor did I want to read them anymore. I knew what they would say anyways. They would just convey the same message she was trying to say to me. Those eyes, along with these last words, would only break my heart more. "I'm sorry, Severus, but I have to be faithful to my husband. I have to be faithful to James and spend time with him, not you. I'm sorry, but I can't see you anymore."

What was I supposed to reply to those final words? What could I say that would not give off the hurt, the pain, and the heartbreak I was feeling in that moment? What could I say I say that would not give away all the anger and desperation I was feeling towards her? Two nights ago, it seemed as if we were finally rekindling our bond, the same bond we shared as children. Now, she just seemed to throw it back in my face, not giving a damn as to what my feelings were on the subject. I cared for this woman more than anyone else in the world, but in that moment, all the feeling I could summon for her was anger and loathing. So, the only words that would come to my dry tasting mouth after a moment of silence passed between us were, "And this is your final statement?"

She still stood there, glancing down at her hands, appearing to be unaffected by the bitter words of disgust I had just uttered. "Yes, so…please, just go. I have to get back to work," she mumbled sadly. If I had been thinking rationally in that moment, I would have seen the glistens of tears that started to bud at her eyes before slipping down her pale cheek. However, then, all I saw was the girl I loved kicking me to the curb like some dirty house elf. I didn't feel any amount of sympathy for her, and I all I could do was walk away, disappearing from that scene as fast as I could.

I ran all the way down the lane of Godric's Hollow Square, until I stood in front of the church and accompanying graveyard. My breath caught in my throat where a hard lump was beginning to form. I wanted that lump to grow so big as to suffocate me, so I would just perish here on the side of this church, standing next to a graveyard. How fitting.

Water started to form in my eyes. Soon it would probably flood them, but I wouldn't do that, at least not here. I wouldn't let a tear fall from my eye. I hadn't cried in so long, not since I was a child and Lily Evans had left me all because I muttered the single, deadliest word: "Mudblood."

How dare she turn me into an emotional, oversensitive old heartbroken fool! Severus Snape did not cry, and he would not start now. I felt all my sanity, all my pride, all my dignity, and all my control slipping away from me, those last words still pounding through my head, imprinting themselves on the wall of my mind with every echo so as I would never forget them.

I loathed her more than I had ever loathed anyone in that instant. I hated her even more in that instant than my father or my mother when they were neglecting me as a child. I hated her even more than the Dark Lord when he was subjecting me to his wrath of cruelty. I hated her even more than all the Muggles in the world. I hated her even more than James bloody Potter when he tormented me as a young child. I hated her even more than James bloody Potter when I found out he had married her. I hated her in that instant even more than my own self. I hated Lily Evans Potter beyond any reasonable doubt, thought, or idea in the world, but…

….I still loved her.

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Thanks always for reading and reviews are always welcome :)

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	12. The Secret Sinners

A/N: Another chapter only two days after the previous one. Not too bad! Well, pardon my editing skills on this one. They were rather lacking at 11 o'cock at night. I'll go back and edit it better tommorow when I'm more awake ;)

A/N: This is a pretty significant chapter I think. It's lengthy, but warning, this is a dialogue heavy chapter. I hope you remember my OC Vanessa from Chapter 4. I think I told you she would come into play again later down the road, and well, she did!

Thanks to silvermoony77 and Harley for reviewing on the last chapter! Your reviews make me so happy I could kiss you! Lol! I can always count on you guys to review after every update ;)

Harley: I'm glad I've made you love Severus even more! I hope you now love him just as much as I do, even though he can be a snarky, ol' git most of the time! I'm also glad that you are really able to feel the heartfelt emotions and suffering I put behind Snape. That was my intention and I'm glad it's been successful! :)

P.S.- Thanks to those who added this to their Favorite Stories and Story Alert. Hope you guys continue to read :)

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~11~

_The Secret Sinners_

~August 28, 1979~

Keeping one's head bent to the ground, arching the back forward, and participating in a slump of a walk is the way one would move if they simply wanted to pass by others unnoticed. If someone was in such a state, most likely an unbalanced fit of despair, they would simply sulk this way amongst others in order to be ignored, clinging to their last shield of solitude in the eye of the public.

As such, this was the way I had found myself one early evening in Knockturn Alley. I had just come out of a potions supply shop to buy some new ingredients and now I was slumping down through the allies as the sun set and dusk rolled in. I felt many eyes drift my way and wished more than ever that I could just blend into the wall or even find myself an invisibility cloak. I wanted to wallow in my solitude, not be caught underneath the sinister gazes from the creepy residents of Knockturn Alley.

Lately, I had taken to spending most of my days brewing potions, doing nothing else but focusing on how many potions I could make in a day's time. They served merely as a distraction; potion making allowed me to lose myself in that potion, no longer aware of the world going on outside of that little room in my house that I called my potions lab.

I was starting to come to the more abandoned part of Knockturn Alley, approaching Diagon Alley soon so I could find my way back to the Leaky Cauldron. As I rounded the corner of one abandoned alleyway, I heard whispers coming from the other side of the brick wall. I froze in hesitation, and inclined my head closer to the edge in order to listen.

"But you promised that you would tonight," a female voice whined. The whisper sounded like one that was familiar, however, I couldn't pin point who exactly it was in that moment.

"I know and forgive me for that," replied a huskier male voice, "But she's starting to suspect something. I have to be getting home. It's getting late."

"Well, you can just make up another excuse," the female pleaded, still whispering in the abandoned alleyway.

"What excuse?" asked the male voice roughly. "I've used just about every logical explanation I could think of!"

"Well think harder!" cried the female voice in return, "Or for bloody Merlin's sake, reuse one!"

"You stupid girl, that'll only make it more suspicious!" yelled the male voice gruffly.

"Can't you say you had a job to do for the Order or something? Wouldn't she believe that?" the female voice begged desperately. My ears suddenly perked up when they heard the word 'Order.' Could the man this woman was talking to possibly have something to do with Dumbledore's Order of the Phoenix? If so, then my Lord would surely want to know about it.

"No!" shouted back the man, "She would know that I was lying. The Order meetings have been rarely occurring lately." I edged closer to the end of the wall as the man spoke, and once he finished, I rounded the corner to receive one of the largest shocks I had ever gotten in my life.

"Then say," Vanessa started before turning to look at the place I had just entered the alleyway from. She hesitated for a moment before a leering smile played upon her ruby lips. "Well, look at the filth the dog dragged in. Come for a show, have you Sev'rus?"

My mind still reeled in shock that I could not answer. Instead, I gaped at the man Vanessa's arms wound around, hands resting on his back. He looked my way and I saw the recognition dawn on his face. He drew his face into a scathing look and I brought my lips back into a snarl.

"Get out of here, Snivellus!" James Potter growled at me, baring his teeth and all.

"Well, you're all friendliness, aren't you Potter?" I spat in return, my voice weighed down by my sarcasm.

"I said get the hell out of here Snape and mind your own damned business!" he shouted furiously. I saw the threatening glances he shot at me with those dark eyes underneath his round glasses.

I felt hatred boil in my stomach for him and the scene I saw in front of me. He had pulled back from Vanessa, but not before I saw the evidence I needed to convince me of what he was doing with her, behind his own wife's back. Behind Lily's back. "Shouldn't you be at home with your wife Potter?" I yelled in return. My voice was full of the pure loathing I felt towards him, heavy with disgust. "Or is she no longer living up to your standards? Is she no longer satisfying your needs that you had to come and seek out this whore?"

"I said mind your own business Snape!" he screamed in contempt before Vanessa had a chance to defend herself to my accusations. "You know nothing of my wife or my life with her."

I could have thrown back in his face just how much I did know about his wife and how much emotional pain he inflicted on her daily. However, I decided against it and only said, "How do you think she would take it if she ever found out you were going behind her back to do what only lovers are supposed to do with this whore?"

"Shut it Snape! Who are you to shout these accusations at me? What concern does it hold over you?" he yelled, nostrils flaring and eyes scorching in rage.

"The concern for the way you are being your arrogant, selfish self to hurt someone just as innocent and naïve as her," I said defiantly in response, keeping a calmer composure than him. He made a movement as if to lunge at me, but Vanessa ran to his side in a flash and tried to tug him back.

"Ignore him," she pleaded quietly, struggling to hold onto his chest as he continued to resist her attempts to hold him back. "James, please, ignore him. Just go!"

A few seconds later, after I mirrored his blazing look, he relaxed his tense muscles and stepped out of Vanessa's grip, apparating away.

She gave a last longing look to the place he had disappeared, before turning to come closer to where I stood and shout, "What was that for? Come to spite me for no longer coming around to you?"

My calm composure was back in check and thrill enlightened me at having chased Potter away in his fit of rage. "No, not in the slightest," I said blankly with little emotion.

"Well, then what was all that rubbish for?" she began again accusingly, "Did you want to continue the endless schoolboy battle you have with James? Come for another go at him? Don't think I don't remember how much you both hated one another back then."

I had to choke back a laugh at the last statement. "And if I recall correctly, you hated him just as much as any Slytherin did," I said smugly.

She glared at me hard then and I wanted to laugh at the way the small girl was getting herself all in a fit over Potter. She began to pout and whine in a way that reminded me of a young child. I half expected her to burst into hysterics any moment. "I did and I'm not shy about that fact. However, I never loathed him as much as you and recently, I've begun to see him in a new light. I care for him quite a lot and he does for me too. We have a good relationship going on and so help me, I will not let you ruin it!"

"You are a fool if you think that James Potter actually cares for you in the same way that you do for him," I all but laughed in a sneer, "Potter is a pompous git unable to feel for or worship anyone else but himself."

"See!" she shouted back, her whine starting to kick her tone up a notch. "You clearly don't know anything about him because like it or not, James does care about me!"

For a person who never found amusement or humor in any situation, I was finding quite a lot of it in the childlike way Vanessa was defending him. My wit came to edge through my sarcasm as I said, "Oh, and I suppose he cares about his wife just as much?" I watched her face fall a little from its' hard appearance and continued sneering, "Yes, have you forgotten the sole tiny fact that he is married to another woman? That he has pledged his life, love, and loyalty to another woman. Are you so ignorant that you do not see that?"

"Of course I know that he is married," she snapped back in defense rather hastily, "But he has told me countless times over and over how much he contemplates his marriage and sometimes comes to regret it. He does not regret it entirely, but he does to some degree."

"Oh really?" I asked dubiously, finding the idea a little doubtful. Potter would use Lily as much as he could while swindling with other women. What would he have to regret? Living a clean image to the public while being a dirty, seducer on the side? Highly doubtful. "And I suppose meeting you has made him rethink those vows of matrimony?" I continued with my voice light, still skeptical.

"Yes of course," she exclaimed.

Again I had to bite my tongue back so as not to burst into laughter at this _child _standing before me. What a mess he had made of the poor girl. Someone who usually had such roughness, independence, and a sense of reality was now a trailing puppy dog to James Potter. What a shame, indeed. "Well, then why haven't the divorce papers been signed?" I jeered, mocking the naivety she now contained. "Why isn't he running off with you? Where're the wedding bells?"

Her nostrils flared as her eyes went wide in anger. "He's told me he can't leave his wife, not in a time like this with the Dark Lord gaining power," she snarled, balling her hands into fists. Again, so childlike. "She looks good for him and he wants to keep up his image. She's merely just a trophy, but a useless one at that. He came to me, bored with his wife who is so reluctant to give him anything anymore. Hah!" She let out a cackle then, the anger directed at me starting to fade, "He told me they haven't made love in nearly a month! But, I had a nice warm empty bed and invited him to help himself to it. He came willingly of course and now here I stand."

"Well, aren't you just a woman of class Vanessa," I sneered sarcastically, the amusement now on both sides of the conversation.

She nodded her head smugly in approval and said confidently, "Yes, I'd like to think so."

"You disgust me," I scowled, seeing the pride etched in every crevice on her face of the satisfaction sleeping with another woman's husband was giving her. "And it does not affect your mind in the slightest? You don't feel guilty at all while making love to another woman's husband?"

"No…," she said slyly, "and neither does James, so it would be pointless to waste time dwelling over that fact."

I was taken aback, but not at all surprised by this. "Yes, a man can't get as noble as James Potter. Leading a double life; worshipping his wife by day, but sleeping in another women's bed by night while his wife cries herself to sleep wondering what she has done to disappoint him. Yes, we must all look up to James Potter." The conversation seemed to have taken a turn, all the humor and amusement I had seen earlier was gone on my side of the conversation, and instead now on hers, where it would stay till the end.

She titled her head to the side slightly, cocking an eyebrow. "Well, you seem to know more than you're letting on Sev'rus," she mumbled in her smug, suspicious tone. "Tell me, do you know something about Lily Potter crying herself to sleep every night?'

I felt freeze at this question, but did not let it show on the outside. She could not know my connection to Lily. "It does not matter what I know or if whether your presumptions are indeed correct," I said lightly to not give the truth away, "All that matters is the indecency between you and Potter. I didn't even think you Vanessa would be able to go through with hurting such a sweet and innocent woman as Lily without a guilty conscious."

She made a dramatic gesture with her arms, throwing them into the air as she exclaimed scathingly, "That woman has nothing to inflict guilt in me! She's nothing but a plain, needy ugly bitch determined to ruin the life of James Potter by keeping him on such a tight leash, refusing to live up to her duties as a wife but expecting him to live up to his as a husband!"

The anger hit me hard as I took the insult to heart, as if I was really Lily listening to those harsh words come out of Vanessa's throat. I reacted instinctively to the cruel words and had her pinned against the brick wall of the alley in a second, one hand wrapped around her wrist and the other resting just below her jaw. "Don't you dare insult Lily like that!" I shouted in fury, my voice shaking in rage just as the rest of my body did. "She is a better woman than you would even have a chance of being!"

A look of fear and shock registered in Vanessa's eyes first, but then her expression broadened into a sadistic smile. "Come now, what's this Sev'rus?" she taunted. My face still stayed hardened, snarling at her. "Oh, I see, someone is letting on less than there really is. You're in love with Lily Potter aren't you?"

My blank, hardened stare coupled with the tightening of my hand cupping her jaw and the tension jerking my body pressed up against hers gave me away.

She smiled even bigger at my silent confirmation. "Well, seems as if we're in the same boat then, aren't we Sev'rus?" She laughed maliciously, saying, "What a hypocrite you've been; preaching to me about adultery when you're probably just as guilty. Is that why she hasn't been giving any to James? Is she too hung up over you? Oh, you naughty man Sev'rus, trying to protect the image of Lily, your angel. Well, looks as if she's anything but."

"I said don't insult her like that—"

"It's too late for that Sev'rus," she interjected, dismissing the growl I was giving her. "You have no power to say anything against James and I now. You're just as guilty. No wonder why you wanted it to end between us before. You were in love with her all along. How touching."

The rage continued to rumble through me at each and every word she spoke and if I had a free hand, I would have whipped my wand out on her. As it was, I had to settle for giving the deadliest glares I could manage. "I should go to her you know," I sneered ruthlessly, "and tell her all about just what you and James are up to."

She pondered over my words for a few seconds, never once wiping the teasing smile off of her face. "You could," she leered, none the least bit apprehensive or fearful of it. "But you won't."

"Oh, and why's that?" I asked, taunting her cruelly in return, "I wouldn't be so confident Vanessa."

"Because…" she drawled, still haughty, "then I'll just tell James of what Lily and you are doing together."

"And how would that hurt me?" I asked. She had a deeper motive for these games, and I was going to find it. She wouldn't escape without me knowing fully what she was up to. In response, my hands curled tighter around her slim figure. "She would be free of James and him of her? Isn't that what you would want? Don't you want him all to yourself?"

"Of course I do," she exclaimed, "but do you see my predicament? James may want me, but he doesn't want to leave his wife either. He likes the way their family looks to everyone else, especially in a time where social status matters so much with the Dark Lord being on the loose. Now, if Lily found out and abandoned him for it, he wouldn't come crawling back to me. He might, but it's more likely that he would blame me for the whole thing and leave me as well and I don't want that. So you see, I'm rather stuck in the position I'm in now. "

I wasn't entirely convinced. "That still doesn't explain why I can't tell Lily," I muttered darkly, "How would that hurt me? I have no concern over how it affects you and James."

"Oh, I know that Sev'rus," she scowled in exasperation, "I'm not a fool. But you see, if you told Lily the truth about James and I, I could turn around and not only tell James about Lily and you, but also tell Lily the truth about you're loyalty to the Dark Lord. She is obviously oblivious to the depth of your involvement with him or she doesn't know about it at all. You don't think she would have already gone running if you told her about your service to him?" She paused to watch as the apprehension and worry cross my face, and when she saw it, she continued in her self-righteousness. "Well, it's safe to say that if you made the mistake of telling James, we would both be finding ourselves extremely lonely. Yes, so it seems, we're both rather stuck."

I felt the urge to clamp the hand that cupped her jaw tighter, suffocating the life out of the bitch. "Oh, how it all seems to make sense in your head," I sneered, "but it hasn't even occurred to you that I may not be involved with Lily at all?"

I watched her gaze into my eyes go deeper, studying them with a powerful look. After a few moments, she mumbled softly, "Are you going to deny to me that you have never laid a hand on Lily Evans Potter?"

Deceit and lies usually came naturally to me, but for some reason, I could not seem to deny this accusation, for it was true. My powers of Occlumency allowed me to hide the truths and show the lies I wanted people to believe. I had to be cunning and clever enough to do this, and I was. But somehow, a lie would just not come out for this accusation. Perhaps it was because this was a truth I didn't want a lie for, a truth that I would never come to regret.

"I thought so," she cackled lightly as I made no answer. I let her slip out of my now relaxed grip, my blank eyes fixated on the brick wall in front of my face.

"I could still tell her you know," I called impassively to the now retreating figure of Vanessa.

She seemed to consider over this thought before she said lightly, "You could. But you won't." She turned around to face me and continued, "You're forgetting that I know you Sev'rus. I know you very well. We're exactly alike, you and me. We lie, cheat, and are concerned only with our own self preservation. So that is how I know you won't dare open your mouth to Lily about what you saw tonight. You love her and if you think you have an inkling of a chance with her again, you won't risk her finding out about that mark burned into your arm."

"You seem so confident," I muttered in disgust.

"I have great reason to feel so," she responded, "Not to worry Sev'rus, my lips will be sealed just as much as yours will. It's a shame it hadn't worked out between us though, we could have been good together. I think the both of us together would have worked our way up the Dark Lord's chain very quickly. Oh well, it seems as if we both have something better now."

I heard a faint sigh escape her lips and then the pop as she apparated out of sight. I stood there, continuing to stare at the brick wall lying in front of my eyes. I was now stuck in a world of blackmail. Lily had to know about James, about what he was doing behind her turned back, and yet, I could not be the one to tell her. If I didn't want to lose my chance of getting her back, if I didn't want to risk her feeling nothing but hatred for me, I would have to keep my mouth shut.

Vanessa was right in one sense. I was a selfish man, concerned only over my own self-preservation. If I was a good man at all, I would tell Lily the truth about everything, not caring about how her opinions of me would change after. But, I was not a good man and I did not have the strength to do that.

My heart felt pained at the way Lily would have to go through her marriage, naïve and unknowing, hurting on the inside from the neglect and depression James inflicted on her. It pained me that I could not be the one to set her free of this suffering. But, as it was often with the Dark Lord, I had no choice. I fell victim to the harmful ones around me, having no choice but to fulfill their vile acts in order to save myself.

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Thanks for reading! Reviews are always welcome :)


	13. The Beginning of The End Part I

A/N: This is part 1 of a two-part chapter. I will have the other part up shortly, I promise! Also, after I post the second part of this chapter, I'm going to take a little break to write a Christmas themed one-shot idea I have. Don't worry! I will be back, I promise! I won't rest until this story is completed with it's 30 chapters! I just won't be updating for at least one to two weeks as I try to bang out this one-shot in time for Christmas!

A/N: Thanks to the most wonderful reviewers ever, Silvermoony77 and Harley! I appreciate you and your support for this story so much! :) xxx

A/N: The nonverbal spell I mention characterized by a purple light, slashing motion, and causing you to bleed internally is mentioned in _Order of the Phoenix_. I couldn't find it's name though.

**Warning: Some violence and human cruelty.**

(P.S. - Be aware of the page breakers I put in during the chapter to mark the changing of scenes.)

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~12~

_The Beginning of the End_

_Part 1_

~August 30, 1979~

"Tomorrow," the wicked voice hissed. "Tomorrow…at noon."

A chorus of jeers and malicious smiles erupted around the table, the Death Eaters all looking forward to their next merciless mission. We all had been summoned to Malfoy Manor earlier, prepared to hear the Dark Lord's next assignment for his loyal servants. I continued to watch as their vicious eyes lit up, not a feeling of pity or remorse coursing through their stone hearts.

"Tomorrow," the Dark Lord's voice thundered again, silencing all of their excited chatter. "We attack. Tomorrow will be the day before the first day back at Hogwarts. All of the filthy Mudbloods and their Muggle caretakers will be out doing their last minute shopping in Diagon Alley. What a better way to teach them their place, than a little welcoming party?"

Snickers were sent soaring across the room as the Dark Lord's face opened up into a greedy sneer. I looked around at every face seated at the table, seeing the anticipation etched into every line and wrinkle. On either side of me, both Mulciber and Avery seemed enlightened at the possibility of slaying just a few more Muggle-borns.

"Tomorrow," the Dark Lord continued in his menacing leer, "you will attack Diagon Alley. Take out as many Mudbloods and their Muggle relatives as you can."

"What if someone of pure or half wizarding blood stands in their way?" one Death Eater, Dolohov, interrupted.

The room waited in silence and all looked upon him anxiously as the Dark Lord considered his answer. "Then take them down as well," he replied after a few moments of complete silence. Hushed murmurs and whispers came from the mouths of many around the table. The Dark Lord had never given orders to kill or fire curses at any wizards of pure or half blood before. He had told us all to preserve those worthy of the wizarding kind.

"Silence," shouted the Dark Lord in scorn, ceasing all words of shock and worry. "Things are changing now. In order to gain more power amongst our kind, we have to enforce our ways even more. If someone dares to stand in our way of spreading justice among us all, demolish them. They are not worthy enough to be considered a wizard of our superiority." Nods and sounds of agreement passed between everyone in response to his reassurances. "In order to surpass Dumbledore and his Order, we need to show everyone our power," he growled, his voice starting to raise. "We need to show our strength! We need to show everyone what we are capable of. We need to make them all feel fear! That is the only way we can succeed. That is the only way we will be able destroy those of unworthy blood and shape our world into the way it ought to be!"

Cheers exploded into the still room. Laughs, clapping, and hands being thrown into the air contributed to the now joyous atmosphere, showing support for the Dark Lord's speech. Many of the Death Eaters stood up from their chairs, celebrating the glory they would be living in tomorrow. I only stared around at them all, watching in bewilderment.

Through the chorus and crowd of cheers, I vaguely heard one of the Death Eaters scream, "Tomorrow, we kill all those worthless Mudbloods!" I felt myself wince at the cruel, prejudiced word. The most vile, profane word I knew. _Mudblood_. The word that haunted my existence every day. The word I would never mumble again in my life and the word I had not since that most regretful day.

I still remained the only one not contributing to the exuberance being shouted around the room amongst all the Death Eaters and the Dark Lord himself. I looked upon all of them in disgust, unable to fathom how heartless the human mind was capable of being. How could all of them look forward to the possibility of subjecting more innocent wizards to slaughter and horrific torment? How could anyone find the pleasure in that?

It's true that I classified myself as a cruel man, full of spite and resentment for Muggle and wizarding kind alike. I had caused many to suffer on my behalf, never questioning or yielding my course for doing so. But unlike my fellow Death Eaters, I woke up to the realization of my ways and saw the torture behind it all. I felt the guilt at committing all these crimes. Yet, it still boggled my mind that others never felt remorse for the same vile acts that they committed over and over again…

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_Tick, tick, tick…._

Every tick of the clock, the slow progression of the secondhand, was like a countdown. The beat matched up with my pulse, every second getting closer to the big explosion. My stomach was clenched in anxious anticipation as I sat in the arm chair in my own home on Spinner's End, staring at the clock that marked the moments before I had to leave to commit my sins.

_Half hour to, twenty minutes, ten minutes_….My eyes never left the clock resting on the mantel piece, my mind occupied with nothing else. All thoughts were focused on the havoc and suffering I was about to cause, all the innocent I would slaughter, and…that tiny clock.

Finally, after hours of sitting and staring at the clock, my bottom side aching from the frozen movement, the second, minute, and hour hands all lined up on the twelve. _Noon_. As if on cue, I felt the flames ignite in my forearm, the burn running all the way up. It was time. I stood up and embraced the mark's fire shooting up my arm, disapparating away, all before the secondhand even reached the one.

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All was quiet outside of Burgin and Burkes as I apparated outside the tiny shop in Knockturn Alley. There seemed to be no customers or any other wizards about. I saw no one in site. I wondered if they at all sensed their pending doom; if they had a gut wrenching feeling that this was not the day to wander about the shops and allies.

I heard the pops as a few of my fellow Death Eaters apparated beside me. Only curt nods passed between our hardened faces and after a few seconds, more Death Eaters sprung up around us. After everyone was gathered outside Borgin and Burkes, we all felt the branded mark start to burn heavier, signaling it was time to serve him.

Almost in synch, we pulled our masks down over our faces, shielding our identities from our intended victims. As if it mattered though; they would still look up into the face of a monster on their last breath.

Wands were pulled out from under the identical black robes, prepared to throw the unforgivable curses. "Remember," hissed Rodolphus Lestrange, one of the Dark Lord's most faithful servants; the one who was most often in charge of the rest of us whenever the Dark Lord himself was never in sight. "Kill and wound as many Mudbloods as you can. Leave the children though. Make them watch as their parents suffer at our hands right before their eyes." A chorus of nods and cheers of agreements were sent around. "And, don't forget," Lestrange snarled, "if any other wizard dares to stand in our way…kill them!" His hand clutching his wand shot up into the air, along with the wands of all the other twenty or so Death Eaters around him. With the last screams and shouts of excitement and evil, we all took off running down the alleyway, blasting Reducto hexes at the stone walls of the allies as we went, destroying the tiny city.

When at last we broke into Diagon Alley, curses and hexes were fired every which way, striking those innocent around them. The piercing cries and screams hit all of our ears, people fearing for the lives of them and their family or watching as their friend or loved one was taken down by one of the Dark Lord's merciless servants.

We all broke off from the large group, running in different directions to go our separate ways. I followed the Death Eater in front of me, Macnair, drifting off to the right. I followed him as we ran past Ollivanders, heading in the direction of Gringotts Bank. I watched as he threw a Stupefy hex at a stout old man outside of Ollivanders. I as well, knowing the duties I had no choice but to fulfill, casted a Petrificus Totalus on an older women walking by across the street.

I continued following Macnair until I was trapped by a man with his wand up, ready to fight. Knowing my lord's orders, I had to fight him in return. "Stupefy!" he shouted at me, but I threw up a shield charm before the spell could even hit me. I watched as the man stumbled back from the force of my shield charm. I took his moment of unbalance to wave my wand with an "Expelliarmus!" and then a "Sectumsempra," my own personal spell. His body fell back onto the ground as cuts sprung up underneath his skin, blood spurting out of them. I watched through the slits of my mask as his blue eyes went wide with shock and horror. I glared back at him for a moment before turning to attack another innocent, leaving the man to bleed to death on the street.

I ran down the alley, past more of my fellow Death Eaters destroying buildings and innocent lives. My stone heart felt nothing anymore as I looked at these sites. It was numb from the duties I had to commit. Being the selfish man that I was, I only thought of myself. I had no choice but to fulfill the Dark Lord's orders or it would be me on the receiving end of these vile curses. I wasn't looking nor did I want to be the hero.

Screams echoed all around as lights of curses flashed through the air and buildings were blown up, their thunder causing everyone to shake in fear. I shouted random spells and hexes of "Expelliarmus," "Stupefy," "Sectumsempra," and even a few "Crucios." I watched as many were taken down by my hexes, whether they were pure or half blood or Muggle-born I did not know. As always, the strangers' faces went wide with fear and surprise before they collapsed onto the ground, me simply stepping over their sprawled out bodies.

As I approached a shop that sat on the corner of one alley, I saw Dolohov throwing curses at an innocent woman, most likely a Muggle-born. He slashed threw the air with his wand, a purple light glowing from the nonverbal spell and motion as it hit the woman. It was his specialty. The curse would make the victim bleed internally, dying and feeling the pain from the inside out without even being aware of it.

I heard the hoarse cries come from a small child of about eight who stood a few feet away. "Mummy!" the little girl screamed in terror, tears streaming down her face as she watched her mother being tormented. The girl's screams of horror only made Dolohov cackle loudly, throwing the last Unforgiveable Curse needed at the tiny child's mother. With his cry of "Avada Kedavra," the woman fell to the ground, her life on this earth perished. Dolohov didn't seem the least bit shaken up by it as he kicked the lifeless body away from him and stepped over her, leaving the little girl only to kneel and whimper over her mother's dead body.

All I could do was walk away from the disturbing image. There was nothing I could do for the child or for her mother. The only hope the child had was that she would get out of this madness and chaos alive.

I continued down the alley, approaching closer to Gringotts, stepping over dead, lifeless, and bleeding bodies as I went. By this time, there seemed to be more dead bodies than ones alive. I wondered if the rest of the Death Eaters had taken the Dark Lord's orders a bit too far. Surely, there weren't this many Muggle-borns in Diagon Alley on one day. I knew for a fact that all those bodies now lying on the cold cobble-stoned street belonged to all different types of blood, all at the mercy of our pleasure from mortal destruction.

In the distance, I heard someone shout "Morsmordre!", a jet of light flying up into the sky to release the Dark Mark symbol above all of Diagon Alley. The battle was close to being done with now and I felt some of the tension drain out of my body in relief at this prospect.

A survivor started to make their way towards me in a run. I brought my wand up, prepared to hex the man, when a flash of bright red and a familiar scream caught my attention. That was enough to drift my blood seeking thoughts away from the man survivor. I knew who that scream belonged to, but it couldn't be. Why in the name of Merlin would she be here?

I ran down an alley towards the scream, my eyes searching and my heart praying that it wasn't the woman I thought it was. At last, I came to the sight I was looking for. Macnair had used the Imperius Curse on a woman with bright red hair, now brandishing her back and forth in the air with his wand, slamming her delicate form against the brick walls of the alley and the shop, Honeydukes, in front of him. He slammed her back onto the ground, her body crumpling into a pile beneath the shop as he lifted the Imperius Curse off of her. It was then that the girl looked at me, from behind Macnair where I stood. Her green eyes looked at me, pleading for help. I knew who the familiar face was now. It was Lily.

Whether she recognized me from beneath my mask I did not know, but before I had a chance to react, Macnair had shouted "Reducto!" at the shop window above her. The window was blasted apart, knocking the consciousness out of her as it came down onto her head and the shatterings of glass cut through her ivory skin.

No emotions or rational thoughts ran through my mind. I didn't have time for that. Instead, I acted purely on adrenaline and instinct, lifting my wand and shouting "Stupefy!" at Macnair, just as his wand was lifted and he muttered "Avada Kedavra!"

The power and quickness of my curse stopped his. I was barely aware of his body flying to the ground. Instead, I was rushing towards Lily in the midst of all the chaos and destruction, lifting the still unconscious form off the ground and apparating away, out of sight.

To be continued…

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Thanks for reading! And thanks to all those who added this to their Favorites and Story Alert. Reviews are lovely as always! Let's me know your true thoughts and if I'm boring you (hope I'm not! *crosses fingers*) =]


	14. The Beginning of The End Part II

A/N: Well, not gonna lie, this chapter was like agony to write. I don't know why, but for some reason I had to practically drag it out of me. Lol, I hope it doesn't show. I rather like the beginning, but I think I botched up the end and could have done it a lot better.

Anywho,

A/N: Special thanks to all my reviewers from last chapter! Wow, I can't believe there's already 35 reviews for this story! Absolutely blows my mind! Thank you so much Harley, xSilverDoe, Alethea27, Kisshu's Ichigo, and vryxrratrix. I appreciate your feedback more than you'll ever know! I hope you all continue to read and enjoy :]

A/N: I know the end of this chapter will kind of seem like the end, but it's not at all. As the title suggests, this is the beginning of the end. We still got a long ways to go before we actually reach that end! Hope you're all prepared to stick around for this ride! This is just the point in the story that will determine the end of the story, well partly.

Anyways, let's get on to it! Btw, I will be taking a short leave of absence (only for about a week or two) to write my Christmas one shot. It will be a Snarry and so maybe a lil' bit of a challenge as I haven't done one of those before and I'm experimenting with different points of view. It might turn into a disaster and in that case, I will completely scratch it or save it for next Christmas and return to this story!

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~13~

_The Beginning of the End _

_Part II_

Nothing else ran through my mind. No other thoughts or motivations swam to the surface of my brain. I was too distracted. I could not focus on anything else. The part of my brain governing mental and emotional abilities completely shut off. I was unable to feel or think of anything else. I was numb. All that mattered to me in that moment was healing the red-haired beauty I now held clutched in my arms.

As soon as I apparated into the sitting room of my Spinner's End home, the first thing I did was lay her delicate form gently on the couch. I laid her down flat on her back, causing her head to fall back onto the pillows, her eyes remaining softly shut as if she were in a deep unconscious sleep. She looked peaceful even in her wretched state.

My eyes reluctantly drifted away from her stunning serene face to look onto the injuries that threatened to mask her beauty. My eyes raked over her body, assessing every cut and bruise that lay on her ivory skin. Blood was gushing out from some of the cuts set on her surface, even shards of glass embedded in them from where the window had crashed down on her. Purple and blue splotches also began to spring up in the places in which her fragile body had hit the walls of the alleyway thanks to the Imperius Curse set on her by Macnair. However, despite the wounds that covered her extremities, she still remained to be the heavenliest creature that I had ever beheld.

I tore my eyes away in order to focus my mind on saving her life. I lifted myself up off the floor where I knelt by her side and darted to my potions supply room. Already, images of the exact potions I needed began to float through my brain. I knew exactly which potions would be the most suitable to cure each of her every wound.

It didn't take me very long to gather what I needed. The small closest I used as my potion supply room was organized by their functions. All I had to do was grab the five potions I needed from the healing shelf in the far corner of the small room.

I ran back to her side, balancing the five potions in one hand while tearing off my Death Eater robes and mask as I went. I knelt down on the floor again before her, watching her still unconscious figure. In the dim light, she looked so sweet and innocent. How could anyone ever think of harming her in the way that Macnair had. The memory flashed quickly before my eyes and I couldn't help myself but cringe in the horrific remembrance.

Looking at her beautiful visage, I knew I should have brought her straight to St. Mungo's where there were more qualified healers. Hell, I wasn't even close to being a doctor. I could make healing potions that were of the highest quality, sure, but I knew nothing of actually curing one of life threatening diseases and wounds. But instead, I brought her back to my place where she was at a greater risk of dying before I could even get one simple potion into her system. Yes, here I was being the selfish self. I wouldn't trust anyone else to look after her. No, I would want to be the one she opened her eyes to, the one she offered gracious thanks to.

With a sigh of disgust towards myself, I began to open up the first potion. Yes, I knew I was doing the wrong, egoistical thing, but I could not help myself. There was no way I would be able to hand her over in her fragile to a stranger and there was nothing else I could do but to keep moving on and focusing my attention on saving her.

The first potion I unstoppered was one to stop all of the blood coming out of the gashes in her skin. I grabbed a blanket off of an arm chair behind me and began to soak up some of the blood with it. I then began to pour drops of the potion onto each slice along her body. After a few minutes time, all the bleeding had stopped and in its' place were clots and open cuts.

I ran my fingers over each one tenderly, feeling their deepness and rough edges. Shards of glass from the window stuck out of some of them. I summoned a pair of tweezers, carefully picking each and every shard from the wounds until all that was left were the long, bare cuts.

I next opened a potion that would help mend and heal the long gashes. After pouring it over the cuts that lined her arms, legs, neck, torso, and even on her face, they soon turned into mere light pink scratches. I then rubbed the ointment on each one that would allow them to fade ever so slightly every the hour.

My task now was to take care of the black and blue splotches that covered many square inches of her ivory skin. I poured a bit of the potion onto the blanket I had used earlier and began to dab it onto every bruise and discoloring on her pale figure. I tried to hold back a grimace as I lifted her dress to see the one lying on top her rib cage. I brought my tender fingers to feel the area gently, searching for any broken bones. Luckily, I felt none and dabbed as much potion as I could on the horrid discoloring, desiring it to fade away as quickly as possible from the body in which it did not belong.

My work on her was almost complete when I remembered to give her another potion. It was one of rare variety and one of the only ones that would heal internal bleeding. I knew the Death Eaters too well to know that they would have surely used that spell on her almost too quickly. I only had the one bottle left of the rare potion, but it didn't matter to me if I used it all up anyways. I softly placed my hand behind her head, feeling her silky hair run through my fingers. I tilted her head up ever so slowly, bringing the entire potion to her lips, pouring the potion into her mouth and down her throat until the bottle ran dry. After that one was gone, I gave her the last potion which would ease all of her pain when she woke, keeping my hand in the same spot on her head as I tilted it to reach the tiny vial.

I then backed myself away from her, getting up off the ground. Once I was standing, I brought my eyes down to study her figure, which was now in a better state than when I first brought her here, feeling satisfied with my healing skills. No doctor would have done as good a job as me. No one would have put as much time and care into taking care of her than I did.

I began to gather up all of the potion bottles and the bloody blanket. I summoned another clean blanket from upstairs to wrap around her still sleeping body. I didn't know when she would wake up, but I suspected it would be fairly soon after the pain killer potion kicked into effect.

I returned to my potion supply closet, putting my potions away where they belonged and grabbing my Death Eater robes and mask to lock them back up into the wardrobe where they belonged.

At the sight of the uniform, another memory from this afternoon began to come back, unsettling my stomach. She had looked at me. She had stared right at me, begging for help just before the window had fallen on her and brought her into unconsciousness. Had she known it was me there, standing behind Macnair in shock and bewilderment at seeing her body abused? If she had, would she remember? Would she look on me in fear or resentment when she awakened? Could this be my worst nightmare coming true?

I went back to my sitting room where Lily still laid on the couch, perfectly asleep. I sat down in the arm chair across from her, my gaze never leaving her face. It would have seemed as if it was a dream come true to me. The girl of my dreams and imaginations was sleeping before me in my own living room. It was something I had wished for so many times before. But, this didn't feel like a dream to me. All the events of today had dimmed this fantasy. No, instead I was stuck anxiously waiting, wondering whether the beauty before me, the object of my affections, would wake up and see me as her hero or worse, a monster…

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The clock on the mantel chimed seven o' clock. The sun was beginning to set outside and my tiny sitting room was drifting slowly into darkness. A few hours had passed by and still she was not awake. My eyes had not left her face though except to look at the ticking clock on the mantel.

At last, I saw a twitch coming from underneath her blanket. I caught my breath, awaiting the moment when she would wake up and turn her eyes towards mine. The anxiety still lingered in my stomach and I wanted her to wake up soon so my stomach would be quenched of that unease. A few seconds later, I saw another twitch from underneath the blanket and then the quiet, slow movement of an arm.

I straightened in my chair, knowing this was the moment; the moment that would mark my most precious dreams or my scariest nightmares. Almost instantly, I saw the flutter of eyelashes as she struggles to blink her eyes open. But sure enough, in a moment, those green eyes were open in confusion and worry, glancing around the room before they finally landed on me.

Lily just watched me tentatively for a few moments, her eyes lost in a stare with mine. I knew she was trying to figure out what happened, how she ended up here in my sitting room. "Severus," she finally croaked, still dazed from her long slumber.

"Yes," was the only word I could think to whisper back.

"What happened?" she asked hoarsely in confusion, her voice struggling to break through an octave. "Where am I?"

I gulped, still afraid of what she remembered from back in Diagon Alley—if she had recognized me. "You're at my place," I said softly, "On Spinner's End."

She tore her eyes away from mine to look around the room more. "Yes," she whispered as her eyes were fixed across the room on my bookshelf. "I remember this place now. I haven't been here since I was about thirteen years old when I came to find you after your father wouldn't let you out of the house. It still looks the same." It sounded as if a faint chuckle was coming out of her mouth on these recollections, but it was gone as she turned back to me in full seriousness and said "But why am I here, laying on your couch?"

"You don't remember anything that happened?" I asked tentatively, not sure whether I should have taken it as a good or bad sign.

"No," she answered quietly, shaking her head. Her brow furrowed and she looked as if she was contemplating it over in her head, forcing herself to unlock the truth of what had occurred.

I sighed, knowing I could not escape with denying her of what happened. "In Diagon Alley," I began quietly. I hesitated for a moment, to see any sign of remembrance come from her, and sure enough, I saw as the truth dawned on her.

"Wait," she mumbled, her eyes staring off into space. "I…I think I remember." I watched her expressions, not knowing what to say and afraid of what exactly she remembered. I just waited for her to answer, for her to tell me what she remembered. Without meeting my eyes, she mumbled softly, "There was an attack."

"Yes," I responded.

"It was his men," she continued, her eyes now staring at the floor. Fear crossed them brought upon by the memories. "The Death Eaters. They were attacking us. One of them, he…he…he threw me against the alley walls and then a window collapsed on me or something. Then, I don't remember." She hesitated and brought her eyes to look back at me. "But how did you find me?" she asked bewildered. Relief soared through my bloodstream, the anxiety disappearing. She had not recognized me.

"I was shopping in Diagon Alley for potion supplies. I was trying to get away when I saw you," I replied convincingly, surprised at how naturally the lie came. She didn't seem to suspect any deceit in my words. "But why were you there?" I questioned with worry, my eyes going soft towards hers, coaxing her to open up to me.

She hesitated while she thought over her answer. "I was off to Gringotts, I think," she stuttered, "I was on my way there when I saw several of them coming towards me. They said…they said they wanted Mudbloods."

"Don't say that word," I interjected sharply.

She looked taken aback at the harshness of my voice, but continued all the same. "I tried to run from them, but he cornered me."

"You're safe now," I replied, my voice going back to its soft, calm tone. "I healed all of your injuries."

She brought her eyes down to look at her body, studying where her injuries had once tainted her pallid skin. "They're practically all gone," she mumbled in surprise, "I thought it would have taken weeks for them to disappear completely."

"It was nothing a few potions couldn't fix," I answered lightly, my esteem growing at the sound of her amazement over my healing powers.

She looked at me with an expression I couldn't understand. Her eyes met mine, staring deep into them with what appeared to be awe and endearment. She continued to look at me with the same expression, a small smile coming to her lips. I looked away, squirming uncomfortably underneath her gaze; however, my tension was eased when she finally spoke softly, "Where would I be without you?"

I raised my eyebrow in puzzlement, not understanding the essence of the rhetorical question. "Dead or severely injured for one thing," I answered nonchalantly.

She let out a soft giggle before adding, "No, I meant where would I be without you in my life, generally speaking."

My returned expression only conveyed the perplexity I was feeling. "I'm not sure I follow," I muttered.

"Severus," she exclaimed with a sigh, "I mean you always seem to be there for me one way or another whenever I need you. You've always had that way about you. Whenever I needed someone to just listen to me or simply understand you suddenly turned up, ready to hear me out. Whenever I needed a friend, you were always there."

My heart swelled with warmth at her praises. She was making me out to be a much nobler person than I actually was. Again, at a great loss of words, I could only say, "I could say the same thing."

"I'm sure you could," she answered with a shrug, "But I don't think you understand how much you mean to me, especially of late."

"I mean to you?" I asked dubiously. "On the contrary my dear, I don't think you understand how much I value you."

My lighthearted remark made her smirk. "No, Severus really—"

"There you go being your stubborn self as always," I interrupted teasingly, "Always having to prove me wrong."

"Severus!" she exclaimed frustrated, but going along with the joke none the less. "Can you let me finish?"

"Right, sorry," I drawled, "Continue."

"Well, as I was saying," she started sweetly, "You don't know how much I have valued your company and the way you've reached out to me lately. I don't…I don't know what I would have done without it. You've made me so much happier. Seeing you again, it made me remember a time when happiness was so easy. You're always there to help me, to understand me in a way no one else ever has. You make me see things clearly. In a way, I think you were always with me, even for that stretch of time when we were apart. It was like the spirit of you was there to guide me in the right direction. Whenever I was confused, I thought of you and how you always seemed to see the right answer, even when the choice was difficult. I thought of the way you always saw reality and weren't blinded by any of those hopeless dreams and wishes that lead so many of us in the wrong direction. Severus, I like the person that I am when I'm around you. I'm me. With anyone else, it doesn't come that easily. I guess…I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't want to lose you yet."

My whole body was frozen as I sat and stared at her in awe, not believing the words she said, not believing that they could ring true. It could not be. She didn't want to be with me. She didn't want me in her life. Before, in the shop, she had told me she never wanted to see me again.

"But I thought," I stuttered with little emotion aside from my own confusion. "Before, in the shop in Godric's Hollow, you told me you never wanted to see me again. You told me it was best if we didn't continue to keep company with one another."

She looked a little hurt by my reaction to her heartfelt, sincere speech to me. "I did, Severus, but I didn't mean that."

"What do you mean?" I was still confused beyond my wit's end as to which way she was leading me to believe.

"Severus, don't you see?" she asked, her eyes pleading, willing me to understand the hidden clues in her words. "I didn't mean it. I was angry, but with myself, not you. I was confused and angry with myself. I was mad at myself for letting it go too far that night in the park, but not regretting it at all either. I thought if I pushed you away, I would be able to forget all of those feelings I felt. I am married, I know that, and I did pledge unwavering loyalty to James, but after telling you goodbye that day in the shop, I've been miserable. I missed you. I wanted to see you. I wanted to talk to you. I know it's not right and I know I will feel guilty, but Severus, I need you. Ever since seeing you again, I don't know how to be happy in my life without the promise of getting to see you soon. Please, Severus, don't be angry with me for what happened after the night in the park. I need you and I can't hide my feelings anymore. I've come to care for you too much and I can't run away from that any longer."

The room was silence as I sat in shock, staring in bewilderment at her longing and pleading eyes. So everything she was saying was true. She wanted me in her life just as much as I wanted her in mine. It was as if a flood of warmth was coursing through me, bringing with it a sweet joy that I had never felt before. I was happy as a result from my most precious dream coming true at last.

At a loss of words form the shock of this realization, I could think of nothing else to do but smile, a genuine smile of happiness that I don't think I had ever let cross my face in my nineteen years.

With no other reasonable thing to do, I got up from my arm chair and moved to sit on the end of the couch she still laid across. My face was still locked in a silly smile and hers was etched with apprehension.

After a few moments of simply staring at one another, I said teasingly, "Well, it's clear that you _do_ need me if this afternoon's events are any proof of that."

A huge grin broke out across her face, her pearly white teeth sparkling in the tinted light and her eyes shining bright with a heat of joy and passion that reflected mine. Before I knew it, that angelic beauty had jumped up from her position on the couch to throw her arms around my neck. "Oh Severus," she cooed.

"Be careful," I mumbled back grumpily, hugging her body tighter to mine, "You just woke up from your unconscious state and I'm not about to be brewing you up a potion or, worse yet, hauling you off to St. Mungo's when you fall over on your head from dizziness."

She slackened her arms around my neck and sat back to look at my face. She giggled, playing along with my snide sense of humor as no one else could. "Oh we wouldn't that," she replied in her own sarcasm. After a moment's pause, she asked tentatively, her words coming out in a rush that it was hard to understand them, "So, you'll continue to see me? Even if it's wrong or if I'm being a stubborn git or if you constantly have to rescue me or if I'm too needy or if I'm—"

"Lily, shh," I said, grabbing her chin with my hand and desperately trying to shut up her rambling. "Yes, I will continue to see you as long as you want me to."

"That's all I wanted to know," she said with a consenting smile, and before either of us could stop ourselves, we had gently placed our lips on one another's, engaging in the same passionate kiss where we had left off on the night in the park.

Inside, my heart and mind were soaring. My one deepest desire was coming true. I knew it was wrong, but being the selfish man that I was, I did not wish to stop it.

I knew somewhere out there a fellow Death Eater was telling the Dark Lord of my betrayal. Somewhere out there, they were all plotting my death for saving a Muggle-born and attacking Macnair. Somewhere out there, James Potter was wondering where his wife was whilst cheating on her with a vain, immoral slut. Somewhere out there, the wizarding world was suffering from the disasters that occurred today in Diagon Alley.

But to me, in this moment, none of that mattered. All that I cared for in the world was sitting with me right here, letting me hold her delicate frame to mine and show her just how much I loved her.

And so, that was the beginning of our sin…

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Well, how'd you all like that ending? I figured that was a good place to leave you all before I left you for at least a week to go do my one shot. I will be back shortly! And review, review, review! I need feedback on this chapter! Is it going to fast? I figured I've dragged it out long enough already!

Thanks again guys! If I'm not back by the holidays (I should be **crosses fingers**), I hope you all have a wonderful holiday! :) xxx

Oh, I also made a website archiving all of my fan fiction. It was more for myself than anyone else. I needed to organize all my stuff. But, you can check it out if you'd like. So far, I only have one story on there but I'm working on adding them all. (http:/ ellaurorafanfiction. tripod. com) [without spaces]

xoxoxo


	15. Chains

A/N: Hi guys! Yeah, so it's been a long time since I've updated and you've all probably forgotten about this story (can't say I blame you). I know I wanted to update before the holiday, but obviously that didn't happen. Well, what can I say, the holidays are definetly one of the most busiest times of the year. Well, I'm back now. My Christmas one shot was posted so I should be putting all of my focus on this story now. I'm on break and I would love to have another chapter posted while I am, but no promises on that. I'm getting my wisdom teeth pulled out tommorow (eeek!) and I'm not sure how much I'll want to write. From what I hear, it's supposed to hurt like a b***h! Anyone have experience with this?

A/N: This chapter is kinda short. It was supposed to be with the next one but then it would be excruciatingly long. I don't want the next one to be hurried either.

A/N: Thanks to all those who reviewed last chapter (**Neo-digi, Harley, vryxrratrix, and Kisshu's Ichigo**). I hope you all haven't disappeared on me from my lack of updates. Sorry! I appreciate you guys and all of your feedback! xx

To **vryxrratrix**: It's funny that you mention putting some of this in Lily's POV because when I originally started this story, I wanted to make it an equal balance of Lily and Sev's POVs. But then I thought that would get too complicated and confusing so I just decided to put it all in Severus's. I have thought about putting some in Lily's POV and I think I will later down the line. I think there's a few spots where Lily's POV will be better so I just might do that. Thanks for the feedback!

To **Harley**: Haha, I'm glad it didn't come out too tacky or cliche. That was what i was really afraid of! That would have been disastrous. But I'm glad you like the kind of simple ending I went with! Thanks a bunch as always ;)

Hope you all had a lovely holiday!

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~14~

_Chains_

~September 1, 1979~

I waited two days.

I waited two days before I returned to the side of the unforgivable Dark Lord, begging for his absolution. I knew what I would face, the wrath of fury and the risk of losing my soul once and for all. I had in all probability begged for the Dark Lord's mercy far too many times. I had made too many mistakes. It was all likely to come to an end now. He would have his way with me; a slow, torturous demise to enjoy the pain wreaking havoc upon my weak, vulnerable form. Indeed, this could very well be the end of my life, the end of Severus Snape. In truth, put in the same position as the Dark Lord, I probably would have disposed of my treacherous body already. In the league of Death Eaters, there was no room for traitors.

However, I refused to face the end of my soul in cowardice. I would not allow the Dark Lord to relish in that satisfaction. I wouldn't betray a groan or a grimace of my pain. I would suffer through it stone faced, relieved to meet the end. And through it all, I would only envision _her_ face. The visage of my Lily whose red lips I had so recently claimed as mine a night prior. She was finally all mine to hold, after the years of suffering and heartbreak, she pledged herself to me and if I truly did die today, I would die happy, knowing my greatest wish had come true.

If I indeed died tonight, I would no longer have any regrets of my life.

"It is about time you've returned to me Severus." The Dark Lord's hiss unleashed all of the pent up anger and menace he had held to expressly release onto me. I stood in the spacious ball room of Malfoy Manor, the low candle lights causing a dim in the room. The Dark Lord stood directly in front of the fireplace, his dark eyes of fury fixed on me where I stood in the center of the room. The rest of the Death Eaters stood on the walls of the rooms, expressions of fear and contempt at the possibility of seeing one of their fellows shunned, tortured, and killed by their Master. "Where were you that you could not answer the summons of your Master last night?" His voice rose with vehemence, his eyes bulging and his temple throbbing in rage when I did not answer immediately. Instead, I kept an indifferent stare.

I swallowed down the bile of my truth, the lie prepared to be spat from my tongue. If I had any chance of keeping my soul, it would have to be done through lies. "My Lord," I began, keeping my voice clear and articulate to not illustrate my own anxiety. "I deeply regret not responding to your summons last night, but at the time, I did not possess the strength to do so."

His threatening glare deepened, ready to tear threw the words that came out of my mouth. "And what do you mean by this Severus? Were you too fearful of me?" he growled. "Afraid of what I might do once I found out how you ran away while the rest of your fellow servants continued to fight on for me? Were you being a coward and trying to hide from me? Or did you have a stroke of your conscience and decide you no longer wished to partake in our destruction." His last words were uttered with absolute mockery, while a few of the Death Eaters still on the outskirts of the grand room snickered in chorus.

I gulped again, ready to start the ultimate story of lie to excuse my betrayal. "No, my Lord, neither. I swear. I am not a coward and I pride myself on always remaining faithful to you. But, I became seriously injured."

"How so?" he snarled, "How am I not to believe that this is just another pathetic excuse of yours?" I watched his eyes and saw that he did not believe my pathetic excuse, nor would I if put in that situation. But it was my only chance.

"My Lord, I promise you it is not. If you would just let me explain." I kept my composure and tone steady so I would not surrender to a pleading fool.

"Why should I give you a chance to?" he scoffed in disbelief and disgust, "This is yet another time you have disappointed me Severus. Why should I give you another chance?"

I prepared my mind, allowing the falsified memory to come to the surface, knowing the risk I was about to take. "Because it is nothing but the truth my Lord," I started confidently to not betray my own apprehension, "and to prove its validity and my faithfulness, I will allow you to take it from my mind yourself."

He glared at me in puzzlement, obviously confused I would offer this to him, offer to put myself in a vulnerable position in order for him to believe me. "You mean to tell me you will allow me to use a powerful Legilimency spell on you? You will hand me your memory?"

"Yes," I said, trying my hardest not to stutter, "So you can judge for yourself whether what I say is true or false." It was a risk, handing him my mind to decipher and take what he wanted from it. At a time, it was unfathomable how I would be able to _let_ someone dig into my mind without fighting back. But I had no choice. Blocking everything of Lily and the truth out of my mind, I pushed the falsified memory to the surface for him to glance.

He deliberated in silence for a moment before he said, "Very well Severus." And without even a moment of hesitation, he shouted, "Legilimens!"

I fell to floor from the overwhelming power of his spell, feeling all resistance in my mind crumble. I could not push him away. He had to see the falsified memory. I left it for him, whilst pushing everything else away and out of focus. I watched it play in my own mind as he glimpsed it. Me, walking away from a Muggle-born who lay crumpled on the ground in an abandoned alley, appearing to be dead. Just as I turned around, the Muggle-born threw a curse at me, the curse to boil the blood inside of my body till I was dead. The Muggle-born ran away, leaving me on the ground in agony as I died. Then, I looked up to the Dark Mark hanging in the sky and I knew it was over and we had won. I felt safe and clinging to the last bits of my life, I apparated away to my potions to save myself.

The lie. I was proud of myself. Watching it, it seemed so true and I knew that the Dark Lord was naïve enough to believe it. As soon as it ended, he drew out of my mind, and left me panting on the ground with a migrane that felt as though I was beat on the head several times with a hammer.

I watched as he contemplated what he saw, watching me as I shakily rose from the ground, my body covered in sweat. "I see the truth in it," he said quietly, but full of disgust. "However, that does not mean that it justifies your actions. You should have waited for one of us to come and help you."

"Yes, my Lord," I started. I had to stop the relief that pushed to pulse through my body. I was not out of the clearing yet. "I did intend to do that, but I was barely conscious. I was hidden in an alley, as you saw, away from all of you. I knew I didn't have much time to get to my potions and save myself. The Dark Mark was up in the sky and I assumed the battle to be over so I took my chance to apparate away immediately."

I saw the malicious glint in his eye as his lips twisted up into a leering smile. "Yes, Severus, you are truly a coward then; afraid of your own death. You couldn't wait to save yourself from your own impending death. But then again, I assume that many of your peers are also of that same nature." A few death eaters began to snicker nervously, knowing the truth in the words. The Dark Lord turned and shot them all a furious glare, his disappointment in knowing all of them would walk away from him in order to escape their own death. He turned back to face me again, snarling, "Yes, Severus, you are just like the rest of them; a coward."

"Yes." The word felt bitter on my tongue and I felt disgust rise up from the pit of my stomach. I had no choice but to agree, to let him know of my remorse. I had to bite my tongue so I would not take that cursed word back and shout the truth at him. I was not afraid of my own death. Death was not a daunting idea. It is merely the ultimate escape from the world; all of its suffering, pain, anguish, and hatred. To some, death is a pleasant idea. It is a way to finally be free of the chains of life that drag your weak body down, the weights of all your burdens and mistakes attached, becoming heavier by the day. Yes, death is a warm welcome to those with no peace or joy left in their life. It is a warm welcome to those who only have the hollow clinking of their chains of burdens left to them. There is no reason to fear death.

My own chains of life were heavy with the torment I had inflicted on innocent at the hands of the Dark Lord. They were heavy with all I had done out of anger and malice; what I had done for the Dark Lord. All of the mistakes I had made weighed me down, dragging my body down to the ground to wither away in solitude and shame. Oh, what it would have feel like to be free of all those chains, for the Dark Lord to simply kill me now. I think I might even welcome it with open arms.

However, there was the soft ribbon of my heart, the weightless angelic Lily, who helped lift those chains up, loosening their constrictions around me. Indeed, those liabilities were becoming easier to bear with the love of Lily. Perhaps, death was not so much a welcome idea to me just yet…

"Tell me why I should not just kill you now, Severus," The Dark Lord exclaimed, interrupting my silence and pushing my contemplations away. "Give me a reason I should not dispose of you. Yes, you were very useful to me before, doing all that I had wanted of you, deserving all of my praise. But now, you are nothing more than a worthless, pitiful, treacherous coward."

"Yes my Lord, there are no words I can say to excuse me of this," I stammered in regret, willing him to believe the guilt I did not feel. "I am painfully aware of all I have done wrong and how I have betrayed your trust in me."

"Then why have I not killed you yet?" he scolded, his eyes becoming more threatening. I could see the way he deliberated with himself over killing me. He saw the benefits to it, but still had some torturous order for me to take.

"I do not know my Lord," I whispered calmly.

"Alright Severus," he snarled, giving up on the fight with himself. "The generous nature in me finds it difficult to demolish you so soon. You have done well for me ever since you got out of Hogwarts, that is, before the last month. I will spare you this time on the sole purpose that I cannot afford to lose any more of my followers. Dumbledore's supporters are becoming bigger by the day. I need some of my less useful followers to do the dirty, risky jobs for me. That way, if they lose their lives, it is of not great loss to me." On his last words, a jest sneer escaped that evil mouth while his eyes glinted in maliciousness, clearly intending me to suffer this fate.

"Yes, my Lord," I answered back in all the graciousness I could muster, although I could find none. "I would be honored to do any task you request of me. Thank you."

"I do not need nor want your graciousness," he roared in ruthlessness. "You do not deserve to give them, but I told you my reasons for keeping you alive. For some unknown reason, I feel that you will somehow become useful to me. But, mark my words Snape, if you dare make another dreadful mistake fulfilling my orders, I will not stop the rest of my followers from ripping your weak body to shreds all at once. Is that understood?"

I sighed, letting out all of the anticipation and worry I had kept locked inside. "Yes, my lord, I understand fully."

"Good," he growled one last time, still displeased with himself and with me. "Now get out of my site before I change my mind!"

I bowed to my master before quickly scurrying away to make my escape. A pool of relief washed through me, my breaths coming back to me. I had gained back my life. I knew now that I no longer had a choice. I had to do everything in my power to further the Dark Lord's movement. I had to convey my belief in him and earn his trust. If I wanted to continue on the path of my life, this was the price I had to pay, otherwise, I would not see those green eyes again…

She was the only reason I had to live now. I was too selfish to die on Lily now, although that would probably be the best solution to everything. I would dedicate my life to Lily, suffering at the hands of the Dark Lord. I had been given a seconds chance to live, but in return, that chain of all my burdens grew longer, adding more weight. The breath in my lungs felt constricted at the thought of this; staying true to my Lily whilst keeping her in the dark about my duties became another added chain to my body. It would take all of my power to wrestle these chains, to not succumb to the welcoming prospect death would surely bring…

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**Hope you enjoyed it! Lily will be in the next chapter, so don't you worry! Reviews are always welcome. They let me know your true thoughts! Please! I just got a flame today on the other website I post this story on, so I would really love to here some feedback of whether you like it or not! Thanks so much guys! I'll try to be back soon! :) xxx**


	16. Just One Night

A/N: So this is just a bit of fluff for you all, so if you like that stuff, you'll probs enjoy. This wasn't originally part of the story, but I thought a piece of good fluff would do well before I spring drama on you next chapter. So yes, this chapter really serves as no purpose as far as the plot goes, maybe only to just establish their relationship more. I find it a bit short and lacking, but maybe that's just because it's fluff and I usually don't write chapters with kind of no point to them if you understand where I'm going with that statement...

A/N: Anyways, thanks to those who reviewed last chapter ( **xSilverDoe**, **Naflower05**, and **Kisshu's Ichigo**)! I really apprciate the feedback guys!

Hope you all had a wonderful New Year! :) xxx

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~15~

_Just One Night_

~September 12, 1979~

As per usual, I found myself one afternoon brewing yet another potion for those who required my services. Whenever the bulk of my day was not occupied with orders for the Dark Lord, it was frequently spent in the potions lab of my Spinners End home, bending over cauldrons and ingredients until my neck went stiff.

Today was a day just like any other day, or so I thought, filled with only the boring company my potions stores and equipment brought. I was yet again focused on a rather complicated potion that would cause blisters to spring up on the most inconvenient parts of the body for a wizard apothecary in Knockturn Alley. As a freelance potioneer, in order to produce an income, I habitually had to sacrifice my precious time in order to create the oddest of concoctions.

I was so absorbed in stirring the brew at my hands that I did not notice the door to my home open. It wasn't until a sweet voice calling my name, "Severus," that I was brought out of my distractions. I moved my eyes from the wooden table covered in my potion supplies to look at the clock on the far corner of the wall. Yes, four o' clock on the dot. She was right on time.

"In the lab," I called to Lily from my lab, turning my eyes back down to my fragile tonic. Like many afternoons since the night of the Diagon Alley attack, Lily would apparate or floo to my house as soon as she got off from work at that ghastly boutique in Godric's Hollow. Here, she would stay into the night, more often than not watching me brew potions, before returning home to her unsuspecting husband. Today proved to be no different.

I heard her soft steps as she made her way into the lab. I perked my head up to show my acknowledgement of her presence, before bringing my concentration back to my work table. I took in the bright green eyes with the happy smile and flowing red hair draped over her shoulders; an epitome of beauty that never ceased to amaze me. "Still brewing up more potions?" she asked as she stopped in the doorway, a teasing frown coming to her face.

"Yes, some of us have to earn a living," I stated casually, keeping my eyes still focused on the complicated concoction I continued to stir.

"Oh I know, I was only teasing," she answered cheerfully, stepping into the room. "But if you keep it up your hair will take a turn for the worse."

"How is that?" I drawled, playing along with her joking manner that she so often brought forth in my presence.

She let out a laugh before adding, "It'll become greasy from all the chemicals and fumes in here."

"I see," I answered, continuing to encourage her teasing, although not finding it particularly humorous myself. "And does that pose as a problem?"

"Not at all," she replied cheekily. I allowed myself to glance out the corner of my eyes to watch her make her way around my table to stand behind me. "In fact, it"ll just give me more fun when I wash your hair," she whispered into my ear as she flicked a strand of my fine black hair, sending tingles down my spine.

I tried not to shiver from under her closeness and touch, instead growling, "Lily, if you dare touch my hair, I'll—"

"You'll what?" she mocked, stepping away from me so she could face my onyx eyes. "Hex me? Throw some spells at me?"

The distance she now put between us allowed me to collect myself so I could focus on my leering response. "No, more like pour my entire store of potions over your head and watch the effects it does to those pretty red locks of yours," I sneered, leaning closer to her face to twirl a piece of her scarlet hair around my thin finger.

She let a trill of a laugh escape her lips as she said, "I'm not afraid of you Severus." She stepped away to make her way out from behind the table to leave me room in my workspace.

"No, but you should be," I murmured quietly to her retreating figure, letting all of the unspoken words soak into the air. Indeed, if she knew who I really was and who I worked for, would she be afraid of me? For her sake, I hoped that she would.

She turned back to look at me with her brow furrowed in puzzlement. "What?"

"Nothing," I mumbled nonchalantly, covering my desperation to change the subject. If I did not, she would continue to persist until I told her just what she had to be frightened of in me. "So how was your day at the shop?"

"Ugh, don't remind me," she exclaimed, exasperatingly collapsing onto the couch in the far corner of the room I had just recently brought in for her use only. It was the couch she lounged on as she prattled away as I focused on making my potions. "Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to work there."

"Those lazy ignorant imbeciles you call customers finally getting to you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow as I ignited a flame to continue to stir my brew over.

"No, not even that," she continued, ignoring my insults. Her body was splayed on the couch and her eyes titled towards the ceiling in a calm façade. It was a peaceful sight of beauty that any artist would love to paint. "They can all just be so rude sometimes."

I brought my attention back down to my potion which was starting to boil over. "Well what do you expect when you work with Muggles," I stated complacently.

She turned her head back to face mine and sent me a reproachful look. The same one I received whenever I slighted the Muggles. "Sometimes, I just want to get away from all of this," she mumbled dreamily, turning her face back up to study the depths of the ceiling.

"Am I supposed to take that as a hint to whisk you away from here this very instant?" I teased.

"Maybe," she answered, turning her face to quirk a smile in my direction.

"Then your subtlety is appalling," I chided, letting a taunting grin spring to my lips.

Her body was brought back up into a sitting position on the couch through a fit of chuckles. "Please Sev," she pleaded, her green eyes twinkling in a way that would make my heart melt. "Please, can we get away just for one night."

I stood up straighter behind my work table and folded my arms over my chest. "And where would you like me to take you if we did indeed indulge in this short little retreat idea of yours?" I asked with a frown, feigning my own eagerness at escaping the bitter world around us if only for one night.

Her bright smile grew even bigger as she took my words as confirmation. She could read me far too well. "I know just the place," she replied happily with an excited gleam in her eyes.

Unable to resist, I quickly diminished the flame my potion was hanging over with a flourish of my wand and strode over to the end of the room where Lily was waiting with an outstretched hand, prepared to lead me away from the world if only for one night…

* * *

Golden streaks were painted across the darkening sky that reigned above us, traces of pinks and oranges mixed in as the golden sun set. The stars in the sky began to come to life as the moon rolled up into the twilight. In the distance, sail boats could be seen coming in from the deep ocean water that was splayed out in front of us. The atmosphere was quiet on the beach, only the soft caws of seagulls retreating for the night and the peaceful crash of waves. A cold, silent breeze flew through the darkness, spraying sprits of the salty water and threatening to diminish the fire now burning on the sand in place to keep our frigid bodies warm. Another cool sea breeze rushed past, bringing the shivering body pressed up against my side clamoring closer to me.

I leaned down to wrap the cozy blanket around Lily tighter in order to fight off the stinging cold air. I placed my arms around her fragile figure, tugging her body closer to the warmth of my embrace. "The cold of the night is starting to come in," I whispered lightly to her, placing a kiss on the top of her hair, "maybe we should head back."

"No, not yet," she moaned next to me, "It's so peaceful out here. I don't want to leave yet."

I nodded my head in response, reluctant to leave the serene beach myself. Lily had been right to take me away. We had both needed a break from the complicated world that constantly swarmed around us. We both needed a chance to just be happy with each other, if only for one night.

She had apparated us both here earlier in the afternoon, to this secluded beach with no one of the human race in sight. Together, we had spent the remainder of the afternoon on this beach in solitude, playing in the sand, watching the waves roll in, walking the shores, and just being with each other. It was one of the happiest moments of my existence and reminded me of why I loved Lily. It was just so easy to be happy with her in my presence. Now, night was setting and our escape from life was coming to an abrupt end.

"The stars are so much prettier here," Lily mumbled against my chest, her warm breath causing sparks to course through my body.

"Indeed," I answered softly, "the noise, the people, and the landscape of the atmosphere around us often diminishes the effect the stars can have."

"Mm," she hummed against me. I felt the muscles in her face turn up into a smile against my side. "This reminds me of Hogwarts."

"Oh yes," I teased sarcastically, allowing my own mouth to turn into a smirk at the abnormality of her words. "The peaceful beauty of the beaches here greatly resembles the towering castle of the school."

"No, I mean just the peace and simplicity of it here," she mumbled quietly, albeit a little sorrowful. "It reminds me of when we were at school. Things just seemed so much easier, so much happier than they are now."

Her words rang true in my head. I could not think of a better time in my life where I was genuinely happy than when I was young and at school. "Yes, I suppose it is suffice to say that now things have gotten greatly complicated, our relationship among other things." I let my voice linger on my last words, not saying the root of my unknown complications which lay in the hands of the Dark Lord.

"Is it silly to wish to just stay in this moment forever?" she asked softly, peeking her head up off my chest so her weary eyes could meet mine.

"No," I stammered quietly, unable to deny her a moment of denial dreaming. If I could, I would have wished for the same thing. "However, it is highly impractical. It will only make the moment when we must go back much harder to bear."

She tilted her lips up into a sad sort of smile. "I know," she muttered, her voice drifting off. "But right now, I just want you to know that I haven't been this happy in a long time, and if I could, I would stay in this moment forever," she whispered and after a pause, "with you."

She leaned up to touch her lips to my cheek, bringing a tingling sensation back to my body enough to make me shiver in warmth. Her lips didn't move far away from my cheek, instead lingering close. I met her eyes that sparkled in the darkness with a feeling of happiness and content that was echoed in mine. I leaned down and pressed my lips lightly to hers, conveying all of my answers to her words in a passionate kiss.

I would have traded anything to stay in that moment for just a second longer. I would have given anything for another taste of the beauty and peace that place and Lily brought me. For once, the Dark Lord and his rebellion were not even a conscious factor in mind. For once in my life, there was no worry or anger in my soul. For once in my life, all my sufferings were pushed aside and a blooming love was the only thing that mattered, even if it was just for one night only…

* * *

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